Chapter 9: The Dependency Monster

The Dependency Monster

“I’m sorry, Sae. I’ll be careful, so please, I’m begging you, forgive me.”

It seemed he no longer felt any discomfort about taking that position.

Right now, in front of Sae, Natsuki was kneeling as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Natsuki had made himself as small as possible and held completely still, not even attempting to lift his forehead from the floor.

He simply stayed like that, waiting without moving until Sae spoke to him.

He would not move on his own until forgiveness was granted. In his attitude, Sae felt a satisfaction so deep it felt as though she could sink into it.

“Hey, Natsuki, I don’t really want to do this either, you know?”

Sae crouched beside him and softly stroked his swollen arm.

The area she had been striking with full force moments ago was bright red and beginning to darken.

When her fingers touched it, Natsuki’s body trembled for a moment, likely from pain. Even so, he did not break his posture.

He waited obediently, until Sae forgave him.

“Natsuki, you understand, right?”

“Yeah. It’s because I was the one who was wrong.”

“I’m not the one at fault, right?”

“Sae is not at fault. I’m the one who is wrong.”

The way he responded without hesitation felt pleasant to Sae.

No matter what Sae did, Natsuki would forgive her.

Even if she yelled at him for something unreasonable.

Even if she ordered him around for no real reason.

Even if she used her hands and left bruises.

“If you understand, then that’s fine. You can stop kneeling now.”

“Yeah. Thank you, Sae.”

“Wait here, I’ll go cool it.”

“Sorry for the trouble. Thank you.”

“It’s fine. This much is nothing.”

No matter what Sae did, Natsuki would accept it.

That fact alone gave Sae relief.

That fact alone nourished her heart.

The trust and peace of mind Sae could not gain from anyone except Natsuki. Seeking only that, Sae forced Natsuki through unreasonable situations again today.

Just to reassure herself that Natsuki would never leave her side.

If one were to ask her current classmates what kind of person Kurokawa Sae was, most would say she was a flashy girl with a strong personality.

With the tips of her long hair dyed, her mature feminine build, and her striking presence, she always carried herself with confidence.

Since that was the Sae they saw at school, that was the only image they had of her.

And they would not be wrong.

But that is only if one adds the word “now.”

Sae was not someone who had always stood at the top. Not since she was young.

When she was little, Sae had been a plain girl whose only notable trait was her large body.

Her current confident appearance would have been unimaginable back then. Even if she showed her old pictures to her classmates now, not a single one would realize it was her.

That was how far apart the Sae of the past and the present were.

Her true personality only showed at home. With familiar adults like her parents, she could speak normally, but with children her age or with strangers, she was so timid she could barely speak at all.

Yet her body alone grew quickly, making her a full head taller than the other girls, which caused her to stand out in the worst way.

In lower elementary school, boys began to tease her because of her height. Since she lacked the courage to talk back, she became an easy target.

Sae felt frustrated, but could do nothing except bite her lip through tears.

The fact that she did not react only made her a better target, and that expression of hers fueled the bullies’ enjoyment.

Sae soon found herself being harassed every day.

Even so, back then, although she was timid, she still had some friends who were girls.

There were people who did not mind her height, who would talk to her and spend time with her during recess.

However, those so-called friends were no help at all.

Once Sae started being harassed, they completely vanished from her side.

When Sae tried to approach them, they would blatantly run away.

If she called out to them, they pretended not to hear and ignored her.

Even when she tried to stay near them, she overheard those friends speaking about her using the same insults the bullies used.

Treated as though she did not exist while their words alone struck her, Sae could no longer remain there and walked away holding everything inside.

Having been abandoned by her same-gender “friends,” normally Sae would have been alone.

But she was not alone.

Because she had her childhood friend, Natsuki.

“I’ll protect you, Sae.”

Natsuki, who had known her even before elementary school, stayed beside her despite the pressure of the class. Because of him, she was not completely alone.

“Sae, you’ll grow into a beautiful adult. You look like a model.”

Only Natsuki praised the trait others teased. Because of him, she did not come to hate herself. Instead, she worked to improve herself.

“You said you’d protect me, so make sure you do it properly.”

“I’m sorry, Sae. I’ll try harder.”

Even when Sae was too timid to thank him honestly, Natsuki accepted her words kindly.

Sae truly believed she became who she was because Natsuki had been there.

Only he stayed beside her, even when she showed pathetic sides or could not express her feelings.

That was why, even then, Sae felt that as long as she had Natsuki, that was enough.

Her childhood taught her that “friends” were meaningless.

They stay when times are good, but disappear when help is truly needed. They are like useless stones on the roadside, sometimes even becoming obstacles. Sae did not need something like that.

To her, her current classmates were the same.

Now that she had become attractive, many stones gathered around her.

But she knew they could disappear again in an instant. So she had no need for them from the start.

Whether she had them or not did not matter. If she did have them, they were only for convenience.

That was how Sae viewed her classmates.

Unlike before, Sae could now express her will clearly. If she disliked something, she rejected it. If she wanted to protect something, she asserted it.

Since she always acted with confidence, those around her adjusted to her.

She lived like this, nourished by her childhood experiences.

All so she could remain beside the one person she needed.

Even if she became strong, even if everything else was unnecessary, without Natsuki, Sae would feel unbearable anxiety.

Her childhood taught her both that “friends” were worthless and that only Natsuki could be trusted.

When she truly needed help, only Natsuki supported her. So to Sae, Natsuki and those stones were completely different.

No matter how miserable she became, to the point others looked away, only Natsuki reached out to her. Because he supported her in reality, Sae trusted and needed him deeply.

To Sae, who believed that if she had Natsuki she needed nothing else, Natsuki was like her heart itself.

Without him, she could not live. That was how important he was to her.

He was irreplaceable. Just being a little away from her made her anxious, and she believed she truly could not live without him.

That was why Sae tested him.

“Hey, Natsuki, you’ll stay by my side forever, right?”

“Y-yeah. I promised to protect you, Sae.”

“Then you must never go anywhere.”

“I understand. I’ll stay with you forever.”

“It’s a promise. I’m the one above you. You have to listen to what I say.”

“Yeah. I promise.”

The conversation from their childhood remained with Sae exactly as it was.

It was only a child’s promise. But to Sae, it was her emotional support.

Because they promised.

Because Natsuki said he would stay.

Because he swore he would listen.

It was not that she distrusted him. She trusted him more deeply than anything.

Even so, Natsuki was something she could not live without.

That was why she became anxious.

At unexpected moments, the thought appeared: What if Natsuki disappeared.

So Sae tested him, to feel secure.

At first, it was something small.

She got angry over something trivial. Natsuki apologized right away. She felt reassured, but soon became anxious again. What if she pushed further.

So she gradually treated him more unreasonably to see if he would still forgive her.

What began as yelling turned into issuing orders, and recently, she had started using her hands.

She was afraid he might come to hate her, but she could not stop.

The thought of Natsuki leaving was terrifying, and she wanted certainty that no matter what she did, he would stay.

Even now, Natsuki kept his promise and stayed beside her.

No matter how unreasonably she acted or how badly she treated him, even if she struck him hard enough to leave bruises, he stayed.

That was what reassured her most of all.

If he did not leave even after she did something so cruel, then he would stay forever.

As long as she had Natsuki, nothing else mattered.

She wanted him beside her forever.

That was Sae’s true desire, her one and only wish.

That was why Sae struck Natsuki again today.

To confirm that no matter how cruel she became, Natsuki would stay, and to feel secure.