Chapter 34: Hope / Despair (Shuu / Eri)

Hope / Despair (Shuu / Eri)

After sleeping while holding hands, I felt as though the invisible wall between Eri and me had become a little thinner.

Realizing that I didn’t want to make Eri sad anymore, and that I didn’t want her to keep blaming only herself, made my heart feel lighter and my mind more at ease.

It was still painful to come up with an answer right away, but I began to think that if I took time to face myself and Eri sincerely, I might eventually find an answer, whether I could forgive her or not.

Even though all we did was hold hands while we slept, I found myself feeling comforted. I knew I had to think things through carefully so I wouldn’t make another mistake.

Somehow, Eri also seemed a little more energetic.

We were still keeping some distance while watching each other’s reactions, but even so, I never wanted to see that devastated expression on Eri’s face again. In my heart, I felt genuinely relieved.

Two months passed after my injury, and the cast was finally removed. I had started rehabilitation.

I still couldn’t put much strength into my hand, but I pushed myself to move every day through the pain, loosening the stiff muscles and rebuilding them little by little.

Once the cast came off, I no longer needed Eri’s help with bathing or using the toilet, so that problem was solved. Even so, Eri continued to take care of me with dedication, and though our conversations were still a bit awkward, we began to smile at each other more often.

I truly felt at peace when Eri was smiling.

That feeling made me realize that maybe I was beginning to want to look at Eri properly again and try to trust her.

It would take time, but I needed to face everything honestly and sort out my feelings.

Since that night we slept while holding hands, I began sharing the same bed with Eri.

We still kept some distance, but sleeping together brought a sense of peace. Both of us seemed to be doing better, and I could feel that the invisible wall between us was slowly fading.

Eri devoted herself completely to taking care of me. For nearly two months, we had spent most of our days at home, seeing each other constantly whether we liked it or not. Facing our pain little by little, I started to believe that perhaps I could forgive her.

Eri’s affair had been a mistake we both shared. So, we decided to put everything behind us and live together without running away or choosing only what was convenient. Thinking that way made my heart feel a little lighter.

I didn’t know how my body would recover from now on, but at least I could still hold hands. If our emotional wounds healed someday, maybe we could become closer again.

With that hopeful thought, I began taking another small step toward mending my relationship with Eri.

But that was when Eri began to crumble.

Shuu had started smiling at me, though it was still a bit awkward.

That alone made me so happy I could hardly contain it.

Because of that, I decided I had to regain his trust, even a little, so that Shuu could keep smiling. I stopped going out except for shopping or unavoidable errands and faced Shuu with sincerity, determined to confront my sins again.

After that, Shuu allowed me to sleep in the same bed with him.

At first, I refused, saying that someone like me shouldn’t share a bed with him. But even so, Shuu said he wanted me to sleep beside him.

Holding onto a faint hope that maybe Shuu was trying to forgive me, I gratefully accepted his offer, and the days when we could sleep together returned.

When I lay in bed, Shuu’s sleeping face was right in front of me. Feeling the warmth of his hand in mine, I could finally sleep soundly without waking up in fear.

And when I opened my eyes, Shuu’s face was there again, right in front of me.

Thanks to Shuu’s kindness, I was able to experience a small part of the ordinary life I had shattered.

Grateful for that, I continued living each day in atonement to Shuu.

He didn’t touch me, but that didn’t matter. As long as I could stay by his side, I was happy.

And just when I started to feel that the house was slowly becoming brighter again,

I noticed something.

Wait… now that I think about it, it’s been two months, hasn’t it?

I felt the blood drain from my face.

My body began to tremble, and the light that had just started to return to my heart was swallowed up by darkness.

No way… that can’t be true… it’s impossible.

When was the last time I had my period?

Maybe it’s just late.

But if it isn’t, there’s only one possible reason.

No… I’m scared.

I don’t know yet. Before going to the hospital, I need to check with a test first.

I quickly told Shuu I was going out for some shopping and hurried to the nearby drugstore to buy a pregnancy test.

What if I really am pregnant?

No, I took the pills properly.

But I remember being told that they weren’t one hundred percent effective. What should I do? What should I do? I just finally started seeing Shuu’s smile again.

I bought the test and rushed home to use it.

Please… please…

But…

My desperate wish didn’t come true, and the test showed a positive result.