Chapter 38: Heart and Body

Heart and Body

Lately, my brother’s demeanor has changed even more.

He’s gradually returning to how he used to be.

I’d like to think this is entirely thanks to my devoted presence.

And for the first time since he shut himself away, he decided to go outside on his own.

To be honest, I found it hard to let go of the brother who had been clinging to me so dependently, but if he could return to his old self, that would be for the best.

Still, I can’t help feeling a little disappointed that the trigger wasn’t me, but rather an offline meetup related to YOUKNOW, something he’s been obsessed with lately.

Deep down, I wished he had made the decision to break free from his reclusive life out of love for me.

But my trivial feelings don’t matter as long as it’s for my brother’s sake.

On the contrary, considering how he’s been going out several times as rehab in preparation for the meetup, it’s more of a gain than a loss.

What’s more, he’s even reached the point where he can go to a barber to cut his overgrown hair.

And so, the day of the offline meetup arrived.

Finally, my brother decided to go out alone.

I was worried and wanted to accompany him, but he gently turned me down.

I was optimistic, thinking it was just a gathering of music enthusiasts. So, without much concern, I sent him off with encouragement.

Little did I know it would lead to such a result…

That day, when my brother returned, his eyes had a different gleam. It wasn’t a pure, bright light, but a dull, distorted glow.

In reality, my brother shut himself away again.

This time, he wouldn’t open up to anyone—not even to me, let alone our parents. He just kept playing a woman’s song I’d never heard before, over and over, loud enough to be heard outside his room.

Then, after several days of this, my brother, who should have been completely shut away, was somehow now right in front of me.

In the dimly lit room illuminated by the nightlight.

On top of my bed.

Straddling me, looking down.

His expression wasn’t the hollow one from when he was shut away.

Instead, his eyes were fierce, filled with undisguised desire as he stared at me.

I understood immediately.

That I was going to be violated.

It wasn’t that I disliked the idea of being held by my brother.

In a way, it was a desire I had dreamed of myself. Yes, I had wished to become one with the brother I loved so much.

I had wished for it… yet…

I was terrified.

By the eyes of my brother, who no longer saw me as myself.

By the man who had bared his instincts like a beast.

And that feeling came to me as a raw, real sensation.

There was no sweetness or beauty like in my dreams—only pain.

Even though he was someone precious, beloved, and undoubtedly loved by me, there was no emotional connection. I could only react to the stimulation forced on me.

None of the sweet, happy feelings I had imagined ever surfaced.

After pouring all his desires into me, my brother seemed to regain his senses and cried.

He seemed to understand what he had done.

With a hollow feeling, I hugged what remained of my brother.

I didn’t feel the frustration of wanting to cry, nor the sorrow of having my first time taken away.

I just felt utterly empty, and the woman’s singing leaking from the next room rang unbearably loud.

And so, from that day on, our twisted relationship became routine.

My brother would listen to that song on repeat all day, and at night, he would turn into a beast. After satisfying his desires, he would return to being my brother and cry, apologizing.

As for me, the only thing that changed was that I no longer felt pain from the act, having grown accustomed to it. But my heart was never fulfilled.

Still, even I understood that this situation wasn’t good.

I thought about consulting my parents, but I didn’t know what would happen to my brother if I did.

In the end, even after all this, I still couldn’t give up on him. I still worried about him.

I hoped that my brother, who had become so broken, would one day return to being himself and truly love me.

But as things stood, my options were limited.

I didn’t have any friends I could confide in about such a heavy matter, so naturally, only one person came to mind.

A comrade who, like me, had fallen in love with a family member. Even if it was fake, he was still my boyfriend—Kisaragi-senpai.

I was sure he would listen to my story without being repulsed.

Once I thought that, I couldn’t sit still and immediately contacted him.

[I have something important to discuss.]

After sending the message, I surprisingly got a reply right away.

[Perfect timing. I also had something I wanted to discuss.]

How unusual.

Even Rindo Yuna, who never made a fuss about anything, hadn’t been a problem for him. This must be fate guiding me, I thought suddenly, and quickly replied.

[Is now okay?]

Today was Sunday, and school was out.

My brother wouldn’t come out until nighttime anyway, and the café would still be open if we went now.

[Got it. What time?]

[Is an hour from now okay?]

[Sure.]

[Then let’s meet at the usual café.]

[Understood. See you then.]

After the brief exchange, I quickly got ready to leave.

Just stepping out of the house made the gloomy atmosphere feel a little lighter.

Maybe I’ll treat myself to a special blend today as a way to reward myself.

With that thought, I arrived at the café almost exactly on time.

When I entered, Kisaragi-senpai was already seated and waiting.

Since we both knew we had things to discuss, he had secured a seat in the back where no one else was around.

I tried to lift my usual energy a bit and spoke to Kisaragi-senpai.

“Senpai. Sorry to keep you waiting.”

He replied with his usual response.

“No, I just got here myself.”

To an outsider, we might look like a couple. Well, in reality, senpai probably doesn’t pay me any special attention, so it’s likely just the literal meaning of his words.

“Senpai, have you ordered yet?”

“No, not yet.”

“I see. I think I’ll go with the special blend. How about you, senpai?”

As I had thought when leaving the house, I decided to order the special blend.

“Then I’ll have the same.”

Senpai also went with the special blend today.

After the master brought us water, we placed our orders and made small talk while waiting for the coffee.

Senpai responded to my small talk with perfunctory nods.

Then, the master’s signature special blend arrived. First, I enjoyed the aroma, then gratefully took a sip to calm my nerves.

After senpai also took a sip of his coffee…

“So, what did you want to discuss?”

He cut straight to the point.