Chapter 36: The Sister’s Conflict
The Sister’s Conflict
I gently pull away from Yuki, who had been in my arms just moments ago.
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He must be completely exhausted, both physically and mentally, because he’s sound asleep.
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Feeling sluggish, I head to the bathroom for a shower, setting the temperature high and letting the water pour over my head.
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The scalding water, hot enough to make me instinctively recoil, rains down on me. My skin stings, and suddenly, guilt surges within me…
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For deceiving Yuki once again.
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I know, logically, that things can’t continue like this.
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That’s why I entrusted him to Yuna, at least once.
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In reality, Yuki had started to regain himself, little by little. But then, that betrayal happened. And yet, despite my frustration, a part of me felt relieved.
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Because even Yuna, who had been with Yuki far longer than I had, couldn’t save him, allowing me to justify my belief—Yuki needs me.
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Even I know how utterly self-serving that thought is.
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I want to stay by Yuki’s side, and deep down, part of me is fine with him remaining as he is.
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But the truth is, I shouldn’t be pulling away—I should be walking alongside him.
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Facing the past, taking even small steps forward—that should be the path I wish for him.
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But at the same time, as I watch the hollow shell of Yuki, a version even Yuna never saw, I can’t help but wonder… Can he really enjoy a “normal” life like everyone else…?
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Back then, Yuki was truly broken.
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An empty husk—a doll in human form, devoid of a soul.
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He stopped reacting to anything at all.
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If I were to put it in a cliché way, his heart had shattered.
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Of course, it was inevitable. After all, his own mother murdered his beloved stepmother and father—right before his eyes, and because of him.
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I can’t even begin to imagine the guilt and sense of loss he felt. How many times did he curse himself for being powerless, for unwittingly inviting such tragedy?
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Thankfully, he never turned to self-harm.
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Instead, he tore his own heart apart, shattering it to pieces.
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Of course, we took him to specialists.
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We even used Dad’s company connections to consult numerous doctors.
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But Yuki never improved.
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By sheer chance, I became the catalyst that led him to recover, even to this extent.
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Yet, this only fueled my arrogance, strengthening my possessiveness.
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I was the one who pulled Yuki from the depths of despair. That means Yuki needs me. If I’m not by his side, he might fall apart again.
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Those thoughts come to me so naturally, without hesitation.
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Even though it’s a lie. Even though I’ve built this illusion, pretending I saved him when I couldn’t do anything on my own.
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I keep deceiving Yuki while playing the role of his sister. I claim I want to save him, yet prioritize staying by his side—how cowardly of me.
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But what I despise most about myself is this: I tell myself I want to heal him, yet as a woman, I take pleasure in holding him. I know Yuki isn’t embracing me—and still, like a scavenger feasting on scraps, I revel in the moment.
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No, comparing myself to a hyena would be an insult to them. At least hyenas hunt for themselves.
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That stray thought snaps me out of my downward spiral.
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By now, I’ve grown accustomed to the scalding shower—the sting is gone.
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Realizing I’m feeling slightly lightheaded, I step unsteadily out of the bathroom, return to my room, apply a bit of lotion, and change into my pajamas.
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I intend to slip into bed, but… I want to be near Yuki as myself. I return to where he sleeps, wrap my arms around him as me, and drift off.
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The next morning, I wake to Yuki’s startled voice.
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“N-Nee-san… why are you…?”
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Yuki’s face turns bright red as he finds himself wrapped in my embrace.
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Seeing him react to me properly fills me with an odd sense of relief.
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“Fwaah, you don’t remember?”
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My mind is still hazy, and I let out a natural yawn. Given the circumstances, it’s only natural that Yuki wouldn’t remember anything.
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“Um… yesterday, I suddenly felt unwell…”
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“That’s right. So I let you sleep in this bigger bed, and since I was worried, I stayed by your side. At some point, I must have fallen asleep too.”
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I explain yesterday’s events to Yuki with a smile.
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“I see… Sorry for making you worry.”
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“It’s fine. But next time I get sick, you have to take care of me, okay?”
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“Of course, Nee-san.”
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Yuki’s innocent smile is dazzling.
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For someone as deceitful as me, his purity is almost painful—it makes my chest tighten.
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“I’ll go make breakfast, so take a shower while you can.”
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Watching Yuki only makes me recall the ugliness inside me from last night. Unable to face him, I turn my back and walk toward the kitchen.
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“Okay… Thanks.”
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His voice reaches me from behind.
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If he is smiling, then that is enough.
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No matter how twisted my feelings are, as long as I can still bring him even the smallest smile… my guilt seems insignificant.
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And when the time comes, I’ll tell him everything. If he sees it as a betrayal… then I’ll leave that decision to him.
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Ever the coward, I continue to run from making the choice myself.
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