Chapter 38: Facing Forward

Facing Forward

Tachibana-san told me I should try to sleep again, but having already spent so much time in bed—along with other thoughts weighing on my mind—I knew I wouldn’t be able to.

“Honestly. For someone who’s sick…”

Tachibana-san sighed in exasperation.

“Sorry.”

“Is staring at the ceiling fun?”

“…Not really.”

“…Want me to sing you a lullaby?”

“I might actually want to hear that.”

When I chuckled, Tachibana-san flicked my forehead. It didn’t hurt.

“Thanks, Tachibana-san. You’re spending your precious New Year’s holiday taking care of me.”

“I don’t mind. If you stayed sick like this, I’d… well, I wouldn’t feel right about it.”

“Sorry.”

I apologized with a wry smile. I understood exactly how she felt.

…But soon, my urge to smile disappeared entirely.

“Thank you, for everything.”

Realizing just how much trouble I always caused Tachibana-san, a heavy gloom settled over me. Normally, I wouldn’t feel this bad. I’d apologize, sure, but deep down, I’d tell myself we were even.

But today, maybe because of the fever, I wanted her to scold me outright.

“…I told you, I don’t mind.”

“You’re so kind. You like taking care of others, and you’re good at it…”

It reminded me of Kaori, the way she used to be.

I didn’t say it out loud, but the moment the thought crossed my mind, something deep in my chest began to crumble. I felt weaker than ever.

Honestly, it was pathetic.

“…I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

After a brief silence, Tachibana-san suddenly spoke, almost spitting out the words.

“I don’t actually like taking care of people. When I was little, I often wondered… why do I have to take care of my sister?”

“…Huh?”

Tachibana-san had always struck me as someone deeply devoted to her sister—devoted enough to argue with an annoying official at the ward office. It was surprising to hear that she used to dislike taking care of her.

“Of course I hated it. I was just a kid—I wanted to play. Other kids went to school, studied, played with their friends after class, ate dinner, did their homework, and went to bed. But me? I had to give all that up to take care of my sister. I envied them. I resented them. …Once, I even ran away.”

“You did?”

“Yeah… After school, instead of going straight home like always, I spent time at some secondhand bookstore. Ah, I think it was run by a friend’s dad back then. Anyway, I’d kill time like that. …The old man there didn’t say anything to me.”

As she spoke, Tachibana-san gazed off into the distance.

“I thought for sure I’d be scolded when I got home—for leaving Yuka alone like that. But when I finally went back, my parents… they apologized to me. I was the one who had skipped out on my responsibilities, and yet they were the ones saying sorry.”

“…Yeah?”

“That’s when I realized—it was okay to run away sometimes. That even if I slacked off, it was okay.”

“So the next day, I went back to taking care of Yuka like before.”

“…Huh?”

“…At first, it was just out of obligation. Like, I had to do it because it was my responsibility. But then, when I really faced it head-on, something changed. Because Yuka… she’s my sister.”

Facing forward.

No matter how hard it is. No matter how much you hate it.

“…If I’d just muddled through without thinking, I don’t think I ever would’ve realized it. But because I stepped away and then faced it again, I finally understood.”

“That I love Yuka.”

…Stepping away, and then facing it again.

“She can be a little too mature sometimes. A little selfish. A little cheeky. But she’s my sister. My cute, precious sister, and I want to protect her forever.”

“…So that’s why you still take care of her.”

“It’s not some grand act of generosity.”

Tachibana-san spoke with a touch of embarrassment. The shy smile on her face radiated warmth for her sister.

But more than that, it was what Tachibana-san had just said.

The importance of facing things head-on.

…I honestly thought it was amazing.

She was only fifteen, yet she had the courage to confront what she hated, the strength to overcome it.

“Let’s meet again someday.”

Back then, had I made any effort to face things, like she had?

I’d always just let things happen.

Carefree, going with the flow, never thinking things through—until I was drowning in regret.

“You’re amazing, Tachibana-san…”

I turned away from her as I spoke, rolling onto my side.

I couldn’t let her see my face right now. I knew it had to look awful.

Because, buried in old regrets, I was on the verge of tears.

“I could never… be like you.”

That was the truth.

I didn’t have the strength to face things like she did, or the resilience to push through.

I envied her.

Her mindset, her determination—I envied it, and it frustrated me.

What does Tachibana-san think of someone as pitiful as me?

…Tachibana-san.

“Idiot.”

She said it with an exasperated sigh, then gently ruffled my hair.

“You took on the school’s most thankless extracurricular project and saw it through.”

I realized something.

“You stood up to that lazy official in my place.”

Right now, Tachibana-san wasn’t comforting me.

“You worked hard on the studies you were bad at and got good grades.”

…Right now.

“You’re fighting to regain the memories you lost.”

Right now, she was telling me the truth.

“You’re way stronger than me.”

She was reminding me of the person she knew I was.

“I don’t know what’s got you feeling down, but I know you’ll face it. I’m not saying I believe in you—I’m saying I know you will. Because I’ve seen you do it before.”

“…I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

“No, I can’t.”

Weakly, I continued.

“…I don’t want to hear empty reassurances.”

“It’s not empty.”

“…Then what’s your reason?”

“I’m here.”

It felt like déjà vu.

Something about her words—something about this moment—was eerily familiar.

Because once, a long time ago, I’d said the same thing to her.

“I’ll be right here, beside you.”

Back then, Tachibana-san had been visibly anxious about her upcoming meeting at the ward office.

But when she heard my words…

“…Haha.”

She had laughed, just like I was laughing now. As if her own worries suddenly seemed ridiculous.

“You’re saying such cheesy things in this day and age.”

“Well, it’s hitting you too, isn’t it?”

Tachibana-san huffed.

“…Feeling better?”

“Yeah. …Yeah. Thanks.”

“Then eat, get some rest.”

“Alright.”

“…I’ll check in on you tomorrow.”

I heard her stand up.

“…Tachibana-san.”

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

I couldn’t show her my face. It was embarrassing—she’d probably tease me for it later. Even though I knew she wouldn’t, I still stubbornly refused.

So at the very least, I said thanks.

“I should be the one thanking you.”

With that, Tachibana-san left the room.

From the hallway, I could hear her chatting warmly with Kaori.

I closed my eyes.

Facing forward.

Something important Tachibana-san had taught me.

Back then, I’d avoided it, just going with the flow—

And ended up drowning in regret.

Losing what I never wanted to lose.

Telling myself it was over, I’d never see her again.

Then we met again.

…And now, I was on the verge of losing her all over again.

Acting like a child, like a coward—

That regret would never fade. I’d carry it for the rest of my life.

…But.

If I didn’t face this, I’d only keep repeating the same mistakes.

To break the cycle of regret.

I had to overcome it.

“It’ll be okay.”

…Yeah. It’ll be okay.

Unlike back then, I had the courage to face things now. The strength to push forward.

…And beside me—

“I’ll have to thank her again next time.”

Holding onto that gratitude, I let sleep take me.