Chapter 13: The Things I Don't Want to Lose

The Things I Don’t Want to Lose

I had been thinking about it for a long time.

When someone loses something truly precious and beloved in an unfair manner, can they remain sane?

And the answer I came to was that there was no way they could. Just like me, their heart would surely be shattered by the unfairness of it all.

And in order to fill the broken, missing pieces, they would keep searching for something to replace them.

Up until now, Yuna had been the one to fill that void.

But Yuna is no longer here.

Now that I’ve lost my emotions toward Yuna and can look at things objectively, I realize just how much I had depended on her.

Without a doubt, my presence must have become a burden to her without me even realizing it.

That’s probably why she wanted to take a break.

But I couldn’t accept that.

That’s all there is to it.

The memories of playing together since childhood,

The days we spent going out together on our days off,

The effort we put in together to get into this high school,

The feelings Yuna desperately confessed to me—

I erased all of it, as if it had never happened.

The fact that I could do something like that so easily, without any lingering attachment, must mean that I really am broken.

And after cutting Yuna off, with nothing left to fill the void, that empty space began to open up again, bringing back a thirst I had long forgotten.

Because of that, I finally started to understand what that person—Takato Mizuho-senpai—had been longing for.

She hid it beneath her lighthearted tone, but for just an instant, I saw it in her eyes. They were the same as mine in the past—eyes that burned with an unbearable desire for something unattainable.

What she is seeking is surely not the happiness of the past… At last, the song and the lyrics are beginning to align.

At the same time, I start revising the lyrics. I’m sure Takato-senpai won’t reject them.

Just as the framework of the song starts to take shape, I hear a knock on my door, followed by a familiar voice.

“Yuki, what do you want to do about dinner?”

“I’ll eat.”

“Alright. I have something to talk about too, so let’s eat together.”

With that, my sister moved away from my door and headed toward the kitchen.

I made sure to save my sample track so I wouldn’t forget, then followed after her.

On the table was my favorite dish—mapo tofu. Our stepmother used to make it often, and it was an authentic, restaurant-quality dish. Now, my sister had inherited that recipe and made it for me from time to time.

“It’s been a while. Mapo tofu… I’m starving. I feel like I could eat forever.”

“Fufu, you really do love Mom’s mapo tofu, don’t you? Usually, when people talk about a taste of home, they think of something like nikujaga.”

My sister looked at me with a warm smile.

“All of Mom’s cooking was great, but her mapo tofu was so good it put restaurant dishes to shame.”

“Well, I do think it’s better than most restaurant recipes, but aren’t you exaggerating a bit?”

“Maybe I’m just sentimental? But Nee-san’s mapo tofu tastes exactly the same, down to the smallest detail.”

“Hearing that makes me happy.”

“Yeah. So, let’s eat already!”

I quickly took my seat, waiting for my sister to sit down as well.

She served me an extra-large portion of rice.

“There’s more if you want seconds, so eat as much as you like.”

“Alright then. Itadakimasu.”

I put my hands together and focused solely on eating.

The perfect level of spiciness stimulated my appetite, and the well-blended ingredients paired perfectly with the rice. For someone like me, who usually eats very little, finishing three bowls of rice was a rare feat.

My sister simply watched me with a pleased expression, barely eating even a single bowl herself.

“Nee-san, you haven’t eaten much. Are you okay?”

“Just watching you eat so well made me feel full.”

She laughed, making it sound like a joke.

But then, her expression turned serious as she looked at me and spoke.

“Hey, Yuki. I met Kashiwagi Yuito today.”

“Hmm? And then?”

“To put it simply, he’s not someone who can make Yuna-chan happy.”

Even after hearing my sister’s words, my feelings didn’t waver at all.

“I see. That’s unfortunate. It seems Takato-senpai was right.”

“Yeah. But Yuki, are you really okay with that?”

My sister questioned me.

I thought about the meaning behind her words and nodded.

“It might seem cold, but this is who I am now. Compared to me, someone like Kashiwagi, who acts based on emotion, has a greater chance of changing.”

“Don’t put yourself down so much. You’re fine just the way you are. Yuna-chan must have understood that too.”

“Thank you. You’re the only one who says that to me anymore.”

As soon as I said that, I felt an indescribable sense of self-loathing.

Maybe I was trying to fill the hole Yuna once filled with my sister instead…

But that was something I absolutely shouldn’t do.

Yuna’s mistake had already made that clear.

If we had remained childhood friends instead of lovers, Yuna would still be someone precious to me.

Even if she got a boyfriend, I would have been able to genuinely celebrate for her as a friend.

But we got too close.

That’s why I couldn’t forgive her.

She abandoned someone important to her for the sake of another man, then shamelessly came back as if nothing had happened, only to declare, “it was you that I really loved.” That was exactly like that woman.

Because it was Yuna, someone who had seen that betrayal up close, I couldn’t believe in anything anymore.

Of course, I don’t think my sister is the same as her.

But when I started dating Yuna, I never once thought she would betray me either.

That’s why I can’t let myself seek my sister just to fill this emptiness.

Because I don’t want to lose someone precious ever again.