Chapter 47 Even Though the Answer's Already Decided
#Youthful RestartEven Though the Answer’s Already Decided
“That expression hasn’t changed, huh…”
Kanade lies curled up at my feet, sleeping peacefully like a cat.
Seeing her like this reminds me of the time she fell asleep at a study desk—it feels like it happened just yesterday.
She usually acts so mature, but her sleeping face carries a softness, almost childlike. I remember not wanting to wake her—it’s a nostalgic, bittersweet memory.
…The only visible change now is her wearing makeup.
Back then, her black hair and gentle demeanor gave her an air of innocence.
Now, she’s grown into a confident young woman with a strong sense of self.
It’s remarkable how much people can change.
“Haha… The roles have reversed, haven’t they? Being taught by my former student—it’s ironic. I should feel ashamed, but instead, I feel oddly happy…”
Smiling wryly at my own thoughts, I let out a deep breath.
I glance down at her face, resting softly against my leg.
She looks so serene that, even though my legs are starting to tingle, I can’t bring myself to move her.
“…Shintaro… I wonder… if I’ve become someone you’d approve of…”
“…Was she sleep-talking?”
Her softly murmured words pierce my chest with an unexpected ache.
Kanade’s confession from back then flashes vividly in my mind.
It’s a memory I’ll never forget.
It was the last day she came to the cram school after being accepted into college.
She stayed behind long after the other part-timers had gone home.
When she spoke, it sounded like any other day, but there was something different—an awkwardness, a nervous tension I’d never seen in her before.
She hesitated, fidgeting, clearly struggling to find the right words.
Finally, after what felt like forever, she opened her mouth and said—
“I like you, Sensei. Can I stay by your side… forever?”
It was a confession.
Her words stunned me into silence, and all I could do was meet her gaze.
“Wait, does that mean—”
“Ah, sorry! I know it’s sudden… and probably annoying. But I couldn’t keep it inside anymore. Even though I knew it was hopeless, I just wanted you to know how I feel.”
“Thank you, Kanade. I’m truly grateful for your feelings… But I’m married. I’ve vowed to cherish that person for the rest of my life. I can’t return your feelings.”
“…Yeah, I figured as much.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. I didn’t expect anything… But it still hurts a little, you know?”
She sighed heavily, running a hand through her hair in frustration.
Then, as if to shake off her feelings, she lightly slapped her cheeks and forced a bright smile.
“Alright! That’s it! I’m done! Time to move on and find someone better!”
“Wait, isn’t that a bit too quick?”
“Ahaha! That’s just who I am. Besides, Ariga-cchi deserves someone better, and there’s no point clinging to a seat that’s already taken. It’d only cause trouble.”
She nodded firmly, as though sealing her resolve.
Her expression, her words, and her gestures all conveyed the same message—
She was letting go.
She had already accepted it.
But I knew better than anyone…
Kanade didn’t want to make things complicated.
She was holding back, suppressing her emotions with everything she had.
I couldn’t think of anything to say in response.
So, I followed her lead.
To keep our relationship as it had always been…
“Well then, Ariga-cchi, see you around! We live in the same town, so I’m sure we’ll run into each other. Ah.”
“What is it?”
“If we do, don’t make it awkward and pretend not to see me, okay? Even though I’m graduating from the cram school, I’ll drop by sometimes as a former student!”
“What, you’re planning to stick around?”
“Of course!”
Her voice was cheerful, but her eyes glistened with tears.
“Goodbye, Ariga-cchi. And… thank you. Really. I’ll leave these textbooks here as a donation.”
“Alright. Thanks for everything.”
“Mm!”
As she walked away, she didn’t look back.
No—she couldn’t bring herself to look back.
She tried to stay cheerful, but her voice quivered.
The textbooks she left behind bore faint stains of her tears.
Since that day, Kanade’s actions occasionally hinted at her feelings, but she stopped expressing them in words.
Even when she came back as a part-timer, she stayed by my side without voicing her emotions, supporting me in my heartbreak.
“…Her patience, her devotion, her willingness to wait—it’s all for my sake. How can someone be so selfless?”
Yet, her quiet presence became my solace.
For her, staying with a man going through a rough time carried risks.
She didn’t truly know my private side, no matter how much time we’d spent together.
Surely, she must have felt some fear.
And yet, in spite of that fear, she offered me unwavering support.
Such a small, delicate girl…
How do I feel about Kanade…? No, that’s not the real question.
It’s not about whether it’s too soon or whether more time is needed.
If that’s the case—
“What I need is resolve. And the one who needs to decide… is me.”
Despite my wounds, our past as teacher and student, and the fact that I rejected her once, I need to move forward.
Even if our current relationship feels safe, I can’t deny the desire for something tangible, something real.
Even if it risks falling apart again…
I want a deeper connection with Kanade, who has given so much of herself for my sake.
Selfishly, that’s what I want.
“Even as an adult, I can be so immature. The answer’s been obvious all along, hasn’t it?”
I lightly tap the empty can next to me.
Then, I gently run my hand through her hair.