Chapter 4: A Childhood Friend's Feelings

A Childhood Friend’s Feelings

I walk straight home from Yuki’s house.

I don’t feel like going to school today.

The person I’ve loved for so long has rejected me.

And it’s my fault.

Yesterday, I broke my promise to Yuki and met up with Senpai instead.

He said he wanted to talk about the school festival.

I’m a member of the drama club, and everyone was excited for our upcoming performance at the festival.

I was no exception. I poured my heart into practice, especially since I had been chosen for the lead heroine role. There was no way I wouldn’t give it my all.

My co-star was a senior. I knew he was handsome and popular, but I never paid him much attention. After all, I had Yuki.

Besides, I thought he was as shallow as his good looks suggested.

That impression changed when we started practicing together.

On stage, Senpai transformed—passionate, more serious about acting than anyone else.

I must have been drawn in by that. Under his precise guidance, I felt myself improving.

Before I knew it, I had come to trust him completely.

So yesterday, believing I was prioritizing our play, I canceled my plans with Yuki to meet with Senpai.

We had talked about the play before in casual settings like family restaurants after school. But this was the first time we were alone together on a day off.

At Senpai’s suggestion, we went to see a play he recommended, saying it would help us prepare.

Afterward, we had dinner, discussing our impressions and how we could apply what we learned to our own performance.

Before I realized it, the sky was painted in twilight. When Senpai offered to walk me home, I hesitated, reluctant for the evening to end. Instead, we took a stroll through a park near my house.

We kept talking about acting, as always, but I enjoyed it. With no one else around, Senpai started jokingly reenacting a scene from our play.

Caught up in the moment, I played along.

But the scene we acted out was a farewell between lovers—a passionate embrace followed by a kiss. Of course, we weren’t actually supposed to kiss.

Yet, lost in the fun of the evening and under Senpai’s intense gaze, I let myself be swept away. And then, we really kissed.

A kiss I had only ever shared with Yuki before.

But unlike with Yuki, that kiss sent a sweet, electrifying sensation through me.

I was so intoxicated by that feeling that I didn’t even notice Yuki watching us.

Dazed, I let Senpai lead me away, following him to his place without much thought.

Looking back, I should have known what he had in mind. But at the time, I just wanted to be with him a little longer.

I had always known Senpai lived alone.

The moment we entered his apartment, he kissed me again. A deep, intense kiss unlike before, and my mind went completely blank.

As my clothes were slowly removed, fear crept in. I tried to stop him, using Yuki as an excuse. But Senpai just said, “Think of it as an experience for acting.” Looking back, it was a foolish reason to give in. And yet, I did. I slept with him.

Afterward, as my mind cleared, a wave of disgust settled in.

The kiss had felt good, but everything else was just the sensation of something foreign invading me. I couldn’t understand why I had gone through with it.

Senpai, satisfied, didn’t seem to care about my unease.

The more I regained my senses, the more desperate I became. I hurriedly put my clothes back on and fled his apartment without a word.

By the time I got home, it was already late. My mother scolded me, but when I said I was with Yuki, she just sighed and let it go.

I wanted to call Yuki, to explain, but guilt held me back.

Instead, I sent a message apologizing for the day’s events.

His response was a single image.

A photo of the park from last evening.

My mind went blank.

“He saw.”

Excuses flooded my thoughts, but none seemed justifiable.

A twisted sense of resentment even rose in me—why hadn’t he stopped me if he was watching?

Lost in my thoughts, dawn arrived. A new message from Yuki came.

[I see. I understand.]

The short reply made it clear: Yuki’s feelings for me were fading.

Panicked, I got dressed and rushed to his apartment.

I was prepared for him to refuse to see me, but he let me in and agreed to talk.

The conversation, however, was a disaster.

My desperate words, spilling out without coherence, did nothing to change his heart. All I accomplished was forcing myself to face what I had done.

The worst part was how easily he suggested I be with Senpai instead.

That was proof enough—his feelings for me were gone.

Yes, it was my fault. But hearing him dismiss everything we had built together filled me with frustration, and I couldn’t stop myself from yelling.

And then, Yuki said.

“…Then tell me. How can I trust someone who trampled on our years of memories and betrayed the person they loved most?”

His words came back to stab me like a knife.

The stronger my feelings for Yuki had been, the more I had proved just how easily I could betray them.

Nothing I said could reach him now.

Even Mizuki-san, who had always supported me, was furious at first. But by the end, she just looked at me with pity.

It was humiliating. After years of loving Yuki and finally winning his heart, I lost it all because of my own momentary lapse in judgment.

If we were just normal high schoolers, maybe I could have fixed things. But Yuki, once he lost his feelings, would never get them back.

In a way, he was broken. But I still loved him.

That was why Mizuki-san had warned me at first.

“It’s fine to be friends, but if you want something more, you need to be prepared.”

Even so, she had eventually supported me. And now, I had let her down, too.

Her final words struck deep.

I held back my tears in Yuki’s house, but on the way home, they poured out uncontrollably.

Once in my room, I couldn’t stop sobbing.

After crying myself dry, I noticed messages from Senpai.

He was worried about me.

[You left so suddenly. I won’t apologize for what happened—I don’t regret it.]

[But I was inconsiderate. Sorry for that.]

More messages followed.

[I knew you had a boyfriend, but I couldn’t hold back. I really like you. Please go out with me.]

A confession—far too late.

If he had said it before that night, would I have answered differently?

Mizuki-san’s words echoed.

“Would you give yourself to someone you don’t love?”

I denied it, but… did that mean I had feelings for Senpai?

I didn’t know.

I had always loved Yuki.

So why did I do that?

Every time I thought of Senpai, Yuki’s face surfaced. And the tears came again.

I stopped going to school, locking myself away.

My parents worried, and I told them the truth.

My mother sighed. “Cry it out. I’ll wait for you.”

Senpai kept messaging, but…

The one message I truly wanted never came.

A week later, Senpai visited me.

I lashed out at him, venting all my frustration and regret.

Yet, he just listened—silently, patiently. And then, he confessed again.

Even after everything, he still wanted me.

That’s when I realized…

With Yuki, I had always been the one giving, always the one reaching out.

But maybe… what I needed was someone who would take everything I threw at them and still stay by my side.

So, at last, I nodded—accepting Senpai’s feelings.