Chapter 40 An Awkwardness That's Not So Bad

An Awkwardness That’s Not So Bad

“Hey, Kanade.” “Yeah, Ariga-cchi?”

““No, you first…””

Ever since we started holding hands, Kanade and I had been completely out of sync.

Every time we tried to speak, we ended up talking over each other, leaving our conversation in a perpetual stalemate.

What is this feeling…

This awkwardness, mixed with a touch of embarrassment…

It’s not that I feel uncomfortable—far from it.

But every time our eyes met and darted away again, I found myself at a loss, unsure of how to act.

Well… even though it’s awkward, it’s the kind that feels oddly endearing, like a soft tickle against my senses.

Comparing this to dates with my ex-wife, those were filled with real awkwardness—the kind that often left behind bitter memories.

Outwardly, she always seemed charming and pleasant, but when she was in a bad mood, she made no effort to hide it.

She’d adopt an attitude that practically screamed, “Notice me sulking! Pamper me!”

It froze the atmosphere every time… Those moments were frustrating, but looking back now, they feel oddly nostalgic.

Back then, I naively thought of her behavior as a kind of flawed charm…

Thinking about it now, though, I can’t help but feel embarrassed at how foolish I was.

Glancing at Kanade, walking beside me, I noticed her expression was unusually stiff.

““…””

Kanade and I are both adults.

So why…

Why does this feel like I’m a teenage boy nervously holding a girl’s hand for the first time?

That’s the kind of awkwardness swirling between us right now.

Don’t tell me I’ve never held hands before?

No, no—of course I have.

Back when I was with my ex-wife, we’d held hands and walked together—at least during the early days.

But then why?

Why didn’t it feel like this back then? Why does simply holding Kanade’s hand make my heart race so wildly?

Maybe she feels the same way.

Her hand felt tense, almost stiff, as if she were just as nervous.

Kanade, who always gives her all…

If I ruin this day she’s planned so carefully, I’ll regret it later—I know I will.

Which means it’s on me to fix this—I have to break the ice.

Thinking about how Kanade would handle such a moment, I decided to follow her example.

Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself, ensuring she wouldn’t notice.

Alright…

I’ll lighten the mood with a joke—

““What are we, middle schoolers?!””

““Huh?””

We blurted out the exact same thought at the exact same time.

The perfect synchronization made Kanade burst out laughing with an unrestrained snort.

“Ahaha! That timing was just too perfect—it’s hilarious!”

“Haha. Yeah, it’s funny how we’re both hung up on the same thing.”

The heavy awkwardness between us began to dissolve, replaced by a lighthearted ease.

Still, judging by Kanade’s expression, she wasn’t fully back to normal yet.

…And honestly, that’s understandable.

In that case—

“It’s kind of pathetic, the two of us getting nervous like this, isn’t it?”

I shrugged and offered a wry smile. Kanade smirked in response, her gaze sharp and teasing.

That familiar, confident expression of hers reassured me.

She was starting to bounce back.

“No, no~. Ariga-cchi, you and I are totally different, aren’t we?”

“Oh? Is that so?”

“Well, you’re older, aren’t you? Shouldn’t you be showing some grown-up composure right about now?”

“Ouch, that’s a low blow…”

“Come on, Ariga-cchi. Leading a college girl on a date—what a rare privilege, huh~?”

“Guh… Kanade, you’re the one who usually acts more mature than most adults. You’re always so composed and insightful—I didn’t expect you to get flustered over something as simple as holding hands.”

“…Oh? So that’s how it is, huh?”

“I’m just stating facts.”

“For someone so cautious, you sure like to talk big, Ariga-cchi.”

“Oh, says the wild boar herself.”

“Wild boar!? Where did that come from!?”

“You charge ahead with reckless abandon, don’t you? Always on the verge of crashing into people. Let’s not forget how many times you’ve caused a bookshelf avalanche.”

“You’re making me sound like a total klutz!”

“You used to be so cool and composed. Now? You’re like a scatterbrained Santa Claus.”

“Mouuu… Keep going, and you’ll regret it, Ariga-cchi~!”

She reached over and tugged at my cheek with her free hand.

…It actually kind of hurt.

But even so, I couldn’t help but feel relieved.

Her voice, her energy—they were back to normal.

Placing a hand on her head, I gently ruffled her hair.

She blinked in surprise before biting her lip in mock frustration.

“Feeling less tense now, Kanade?”

“…You’re so annoying!!”

“Haha, sorry. This is the only way I know how to handle things. Fancy lines just aren’t my style.”

“That’s fine. It suits you, Ariga-cchi. If you ever said something like, ‘Come rest your worries on my chest,’ I’d probably run for the hills.”

“I’ll take that as a reminder to never go there.”

Just imagining myself saying something like that made me cringe.

I’m still a little traumatized from being forced into cheesy lines by my ex-wife.

“So, Ariga-cchi… About our hands. Can we keep them like this?”

“What about you? Are you okay with it?”

“Yeah!”

Her energetic response was accompanied by a firm tug on my hand.

Back to her usual self, Kanade pulled me along with her trademark enthusiasm.

There’s no need for the tension we had earlier.

Our relationship is relaxed, honest… just natural.

That’s why being with her feels so good.

As I reflected on this, Kanade pointed toward a tree in the distance.

“Alright! Let’s reset and head for that shady spot! I’ve got something awesome prepared for today~.”

“Oh? Now I’m curious.”

“Fufufu~. Just wait—you’ll love it!”

Watching her radiant smile, I felt a wave of gratitude. I resolved once more to appreciate Kanade and her unwavering efforts.