Chapter 20 Restart of Youth

Restart of Youth

The streetlights cast a dim glow, and there isn’t a soul in sight.

I’ve been brought to such a place.

…There’s really no one here.

Well, maybe some delinquent kids could be around.

I was a little worried, but after glancing around, there was no one like that.

The absence of people gave the place an eerie vibe, and the sparse lights only heightened the sense of fear.

When the wind blows, the trees sway, and the rustling sound adds to the atmosphere.

Before anything else, this is where Kanade wanted to go…

“…It was a park, of all places?”

I chuckled wryly and shrugged my shoulders.

In contrast, Kanade seemed to be having a lot of fun.

Drinking from a carton of juice she bought at the convenience store, she hummed a tune while walking beside me.

“Ariga-cchi, you don’t like parks?”

“Not dislike, but it feels… out of place. A man in a suit and a girl dressed like a gyaru together—”

“Feels a bit shady, huh?”

“Don’t say it yourself… Wait, so you’re aware?”

“Haha, it’s funny, right?”

What’s so amusing?

She clapped her hands, laughing.

With no one around, her laughter echoed all the more.

“It’s so deserted… Well, of course, it is.”

“During the day, there are lots of kids running around, but at this hour, there’s no one. Feels like we’ve got the place to ourselves.”

“True, the playground’s all ours now.”

“Wanna play?”

“…Maybe if I feel like it. An adult playing on playground equipment would be creepy.”

“Hehe, true.”

She laughed again at my curt response, as if she found it amusing.

Her demeanor made me feel like she could see through my thoughts, leaving me slightly embarrassed.

Part of me wanted to ride the swings like I did as a child, but the thought of someone seeing me held me back.

…I do want to, though.

It’s like finding a childhood toy and feeling nostalgic, wanting to relive the memories.

“Hey, Kanade. Why did we come to a park?”

“Doesn’t a park at night sound cool? You can do things here you can’t during the day. Plus, since we’re over twenty, we won’t get picked up by the police! Don’t you feel a sense of freedom that makes you excited?”

“Really? Aren’t parks at night usually scary…?”

“Ehh!? You’re being too much of a scaredy-cat~”

“As an adult, it’s better to be cautious. You have to be careful and avoid mistakes.”

“I see. I guess so…”

Showing a slightly sad expression, she ran toward the swings.

She turned back, waving at me and calling out, “Ariga-cchi, over here!”

As I slowly approached, she pulled me by the hand and made me sit on a swing.

Standing behind me, she firmly held my shoulders and pointed to the night sky.

“Ariga-cchi, it’s almost time.”

“…Time for what?”

Following her gaze, I saw light breaking through the night clouds, revealing a full moon. My eyes adjusted, and its clear form became more vivid.

“What a beautiful full moon.”

“Right? It’s my favorite.”

(You’ve been coming here since you were underage!) The thought crossed my mind.

But I couldn’t do something so insensitive as to say it out loud.

Right now, I just wanted to gaze at the night sky.

That’s how I felt.

As I pondered, her soft voice whispered into my ear.

“Since becoming a working adult and starting work, you probably haven’t had time to leisurely look at the moon like this on a night like this, have you?”

“Not really… Maybe not since high school.”

“Oh? You did back in high school?”

“It wasn’t a big deal, but my high school was in the countryside, so the night sky was beautiful. Even though it was against the rules, we’d sneak onto the rooftop to watch the stars… It’s nostalgic, really.”

—When was youth?

If asked, I’d recount that one memory from high school.

A single night when I skipped studying and watched the stars.

I’d forgotten the awe and indescribable thrill of that moment…

That feeling was coming back to me, but so was a sense of loss that tightened my chest.

…It’s pointless to get sentimental.

After all, we can’t go back.

The past I want to relive is out of reach.

I have to etch that cruel truth into my mind, discard regrets, and throw myself into work…

“—Being an adult doesn’t mean you can’t have youth.”

Suddenly, her warm touch broke through my dark thoughts like a ray of light.

But I shook my head and denied it immediately.

“Don’t say impossible things. I’ve thought about it because you brought it up, but youth is just a fleeting concept. Only students can truly experience it!”

“No, that’s not it. Youth isn’t about age… It’s about how much you enjoy yourself, free from obligations, ideologies, or constraints.”

“Free from constraints…”

“You might have the wrong idea, but there’s more to youth than just having fun. Look, even being here right now, you could say it’s youth. Sitting on swings in a night park, gazing at the moon and chatting… that’s totally youth. Some people might be like, ‘This is youth?’ but I really like this kind of thing.”

A soft chuckle escaped, and her breath tickled my ear.

Then, she gently patted my head.

“That’s why, Ariga-cchi. Youth is in your heart.”

Her words resonated in my head, and my heart started to beat faster.

Kanade continued to speak softly, as if trying to reach out to me.

“Struggling is youth. Going for your dreams is youth. You might even find youth in your job. Youth pierces deeply into sensitive emotions…”

“…”

“So, Ariga-cchi, let’s do everything you’ve ever wanted. All the things you’ve held back, all the things you can’t do… Let’s do them together.”

“The things I’ve held back…”

“Ariga-cchi, you used to say this in your classes a lot, ‘Don’t push yourself too hard. Sometimes rest is important, and if you don’t take breaks, you’ll turn into a fool. Learn to switch on and off.’ Remember?”

“Yeah, I said that…”

“You also said, ‘When it’s time to have fun, have fun. Enjoy your youth to the fullest.’”

“Haha… You remember it all, huh?”

“Of course. You always looked like you were having fun giving advice, but… It never felt like your heart was really smiling. Because… That’s your regret, isn’t it, Ariga-cchi?”

“…”

Her blunt words cut deep into my heart.

They hit so accurately that all I could do was let out a self-deprecating laugh and sigh.

…Kanade has grown so much.

Thinking back, I couldn’t help but feel a mix of nostalgia and inferiority as I saw how far she’d come.

I looked up at the sky and let out a long breath.

“…Damn. I really can’t win against Kanade. You’re usually so carefree, but you’re sharp at times like these. You’ve been hiding your true self all along.”

“That’s thanks to you, Ariga-cchi.”

“Even your hidden side is my fault?”

“Hehe, maybe. After all, you’ve always bottled things up and never said anything yourself.”

She was right.

I always thought, “As long as I endure it, it’s fine,” and kept quiet.

But I didn’t want my students to end up like me.

That’s why the words I shared with my students came from my own experiences…

Lessons from my regrets and mistakes, meant to guide them and prevent them from repeating the same errors.

“If you’re scared to take another step forward, it’s okay to stop for now. Even if you feel frozen and unable to move, I’ll pull you along… Let’s look ahead without fear. At new worlds, at things you didn’t know, at the fact that there are people out there who won’t betray you…”

“…”

“So, tell me. Don’t bottle it up… Just say what’s on your mind. Let it out.”

I swallowed hard.

Then, as I opened my mouth, everything I had been holding in began to pour out.

“…Back in university, I wanted to join a club and have fun with everyone.”

“Yeah.”

“And reunions… Everyone went, but I couldn’t. Then it got harder and harder to go, and eventually, even the faint connections I had were cut. I really wanted to go…”

“I see.”

“I wanted to go on normal dates too. Not ones where I tried to spend beyond my means, but something simple… Like watching fish at an aquarium or seeing a dolphin show… Or going to a zoo.”

Kanade nodded and listened to my words.

I tried hard to keep my emotions in check so I wouldn’t cry.

I didn’t want my former student to see me like this.

But—

“And most of all, I wanted time for myself.”

As I confessed that, a single tear rolled down my cheek.

But it didn’t reach my neck; Kanade gently wiped it away with her finger.

Then, she hugged me tightly from behind.

“Today is the day you change, Ariga-cchi. Start doing what you want to do, take the steps forward, and begin celebrating your youth… This is your restart of youth.”

“A restart… Hey, Kanade. Why are you doing so much for me?”

“That’s a secret.”

Her usual secretiveness made me smile wryly.

Hugging me from behind, she whispered one last thing in my ear.

“But if I had to say one thing—it’s because you found me that day.”

That’s what she said.

The trees, just starting to turn green before early summer, swayed in the breeze.

Their still-unripe leaves reminded me of myself.