Chapter 10 Regret (Hiyori's Perspective)

Regret (Hiyori’s Perspective)

At first, I genuinely believed I liked Yuu-kun… or at least, I thought I did.

Now, I’m not even sure anymore.

But I can still vividly recall the moment Yuu-kun confessed to me.

“Uh, um, Hiyori… please go out with me!”

Ehehe… Yuu-kun was so nervous back then.

He clenched his fists tightly, shut his eyes, and his voice even trembled.

That’s why I answered him.

“Yeah… okay…”

Just like that.

And so, my relationship with Yuu-kun shifted from childhood friends to something more romantic.

But it was nothing like I had imagined.

Yuu-kun began talking to me even more than before.

He’d ask things like “Where should we go together?” or “What do you want to do?”, all sorts of questions.

He even said things like “I need to dress better, right? So I won’t embarrass you when I’m next to you.”

Yeah… at some point, Yuu-kun began centering his entire world around me.

But I felt confused by the change in him.

Or rather, I couldn’t distinguish between being childhood friends and being romantic partners.

That’s why I didn’t know what to do and ended up consulting Kazuki, who was closest to Yuu-kun.

This… was my biggest mistake.

I was simply bewildered by Yuu-kun’s changes, and all I wanted was to understand how to interact with him moving forward—how Kazuki handled being his friend. That was all I wanted to ask.

And yet.

“Hmm… maybe it’s because Hiyori-chan doesn’t really understand romance? For example, you could practice with me?”

Looking back now, it was an absurd suggestion, but at the time, I accepted it.

From then on, whenever I wasn’t with Yuu-kun, I spent my time playing this pseudo-romantic game with Kazuki.

But… during those times, Kazuki’s expressions, words, and actions—all of it felt so fresh to me.

The fact that the only boy I had ever really known was Yuu-kun played a big role in why I felt that way.

So… I ended up mistaking those feelings for love.

Before I realized it, I was spending more time with Kazuki than with Yuu-kun, going out and doing things together. About two months into this strange relationship… I slept with Kazuki.

Kazuki said things like “Everyone does this” and “Honestly, being a v🬀🬀gin would just be a burden for your boyfriend”, and I thought that’s just how things were, so I went along with it.

But then.

“Haha, Hiyori!”

On the way to school one morning, Yuu-kun saw me and ran over with a bright smile.

Seeing him like that warmed my heart.

Ah… it’s true that I’m in love with Kazuki, but the one I want to be with is still Yuu-kun.

Because seeing Yuu-kun’s smile makes me feel at ease, and above all, he loves me so much.

But when we talk, it feels boring and dull.

On the other hand, Kazuki is irresponsible and frivolous.

But he’s fun, exciting, and thrilling.

In the end, I continued this messy relationship with both of them until the semester ended.

Besides, the fact that Yuu-kun was working tirelessly at his part-time job to save money for our beach date was convenient for me.

Thanks to that, I could meet Kazuki without any worries.

About a week after summer vacation started, all contact from Yuu-kun suddenly stopped. Even when I sent messages or called, there was no response.

And yet, I foolishly got angry that he ignored me, even on my first birthday since we became a couple.

That reaction was perfectly natural from Yuu-kun’s perspective, though.

Without even realizing that, I tried to ease my frustration by meeting with Kazuki and being intimate with him…

As summer vacation drew closer to its end, even someone as clueless as me started to notice something was wrong.

So I went directly to Yuu-kun’s house, but it was always his mom who answered the door. She’d say things like “Yuuta isn’t feeling well” or “He’s not home today”, and I never managed to see him.

Why won’t Yuu-kun see me?

Why won’t Yuu-kun let me hear his voice?

By this point, I was consumed with anxiety and desperation.

But I still didn’t realize that the cause of all this was my relationship with Kazuki.

Honestly… I was beyond saving.

Even when the second semester began, Yuu-kun didn’t come to school.

His seat in the classroom stood empty every day. Each time I saw it, my chest tightened, and I felt miserable and lonely…

That’s when Kazuki started openly talking to me as if he’d been waiting for this moment.

He probably thought he didn’t need to hold back anymore since Yuu-kun wasn’t around.

To be honest, I didn’t have the energy to deal with Kazuki at that point.

My mind and heart were entirely consumed with worry about Yuu-kun.

That’s why.

“Go away. Stop acting so familiar.”

“Tch… what’s your problem, seriously…”

By then… Kazuki had become lighter than air to me, an invisible presence.

And then, by sheer chance, I ran into Yuu-kun.

At the park we used to play at all the time when we were kids.

“Yuu-kun…”

Unable to hold back, I called out to him.

Ah… the moment I saw Yuu-kun, a wave of relief washed over me.

But Yuu-kun glanced at me briefly, got off the swing, and started walking past me…!

“W-wait! Yuu-kun!”

I instinctively grabbed Yuu-kun’s arm.

“…Let go of me.”

“Hey, what’s wrong!? You’ve been acting strange ever since summer vacation, Yuu-kun!”

Yuu-kun coldly muttered, his eyes vacant.

I’d never seen Yuu-kun like this before.

That’s why I desperately tried to get answers from him, but Yuu-kun didn’t respond at all.

Then.

―Thud

“Ah!?”

“Ugh, o-oeeeeeaaaaaaahhh!!”

Yuu-kun shoved me away and vomited right there on the spot.

“Y-Yuu-kun!? Are you okay!?”

Seeing him like that, I instinctively ran to his side.

But Yuu-kun glared at me and rejected my help.

“Hey… Why did you even bother talking to me?”

“W-why? Because I’m your childhood friend and your… girlfriend…”

After answering Yuu-kun’s question, I reflexively turned my face away.

Because, even though I was his girlfriend, I had been neglecting him all this time, spending all my time with Kazuki instead…

“It’s fine… Let’s just break up… Not that I’m even sure we were ever really dating in the first place…”

The words I least wanted to hear came out of Yuu-kun’s mouth.

No.

No, no, no.

But his next words made it final.

“…While I was working my part-time job, you were meeting with Kazuki behind my back!”

“Ah!?”

He knew!?

Yuu-kun knew about me and Kazuki!?

N-No… I have to explain…!

That it was just a game with Kazuki… that the one I truly love is Yuu-kun!

That the one I want to be with is Yuu-kun!

But.

Without even looking back, Yuu-kun walked away from the park.

“Ah… ahaha… I really wish I could punch myself back then…”

I muttered those words quietly as I slumped over my desk in my room.

After that day, I never saw Yuu-kun again, never talked to him, and never even received a single message from him.

Yuu-kun stopped coming to school, and I heard he officially dropped out the following spring.

My relationship with Papa and Mama also turned into a disaster.

Ever since they found out what I’d done, even now, they still look at me with disdain, despite being their own daughter.

And it’s no wonder. I did something unforgivable.

There isn’t a shred of room for sympathy.

At school, Kazuki, out of spite because I completely ignored him, apparently exposed everything we’d done.

Haha… As a result, no one wanted anything to do with him anymore either, so he got what he deserved.

And me? Even though no one would talk to me anymore… even though I was met with stares that looked like they were directed at something filthy, I didn’t care.

Because losing Yuu-kun’s gentle gaze, the way he used to look at me, was a far greater loss than any of that.

“Seriously… I’m beyond hopeless…”

He was so precious to me… I loved him so much… So why did I do something so foolish and lose him…!?

It’s been four years since the day I lost Yuu-kun.

Even now, I still bury my face in my desk and cry in regret.