Chapter 29 The Reason I Liked Him

The Reason I Liked Him

After talking to Taichi's older sister, Eriko-san, my mood lifted a bit.

Part of that was because confessing my guilt had lightened the weight on my heart, but I think the biggest reason was learning that Taichi was living a healthy and independent life as a student.

But at the same time that I felt relieved, I became uncertain about my current feelings for Taichi.

Of course, I want to apologize, and I feel a deep sense of guilt and regret.

But I don't understand the feelings I had for him before.

I don't deserve to like Taichi now.

But even though I thought I had given up on him, I couldn't stop thinking about him.

Why is this?

If it's not affection, is it obsession?

Or is it a feeling of regret that comes from a sense of loss?

Thanks to my improved mood, I began to think about such things.

While I was spending my days like this, I received an email from the university announcing an information session.

Normally, I would ignore emails from the university that I didn't think were relevant to me, but when I saw the title of the email, [Notice of Teacher Training Course Informational Session], I remembered Taichi and opened it.

The session was scheduled for January after the new year, just before the second-semester exams.

The requirement was to have a certain number of credits in certain subjects in the first year.

There were various other details written, but since I had never been interested in it before, there were several points that I didn't understand even after reading the content.

After reading the email, my impression was that the teacher training course seemed difficult.

Taichi is challenging himself with something so difficult.

Of course, the content and scope of the teacher training course of a private university would be different from that of the education department of a national university, but I think he would be much busier than just aiming to graduate like me.

Besides, he's doing it while living alone away from home.

But even though Taichi seems unreliable on the surface, he has a lot of guts, so I think he'll be fine.

Guts or positive thinking? Tolerance?

Even in painful situations where he could have been angry or sad, he was somehow always positive and strangely kind.

Ah, that's right.

I was saved by that aspect of Taichi, and that's why I fell in love with him.

I'll never forget the summer of my second year in middle school.

During a school trip to a camp, I was in the same group as Taichi.

We were in charge of preparing the vegetables for the curry dinner.

At that time, the boys avoided me.

Because I couldn't help saying one or two words too many, I was often called “noisy” or “annoying” and disliked.

I knew I was being told that, but when I saw the boys fooling around or dawdling in front of me, I couldn't help but complain.

Even on that camping trip, I saw Taichi peeling vegetables and yelled at him out of habit.

But instead of resenting me or getting angry, Taichi quietly tried to peel the vegetables as I told him, even though he was clumsy.

Seeing him like that, I immediately regretted it, thinking, “I said too much. My bad habit came out again. I must apologize properly.”

So I sat next to Taichi at the dinner table and apologized to him.

Even that was a very brave act for me at that time.

And I thought that apology would be the end of it.

I had no idea how Taichi would react.

As a result, Taichi smiled and forgave me.

He said, “Don't worry about it. I'm sorry for bothering you. And thank you for teaching me so much. I learned a lot.” Instead of getting angry, he even thanked me.

I had never been told “thank you” by a boy before, so I was surprised and happy and apologetic, and my emotions got mixed up, and I cried right there.

Seeing me like that, Taichi, who was being teased by the other members of the group, panicked and said, “Eh!? Did I make you cry? What should I do? What should I do?” and started wiping my tears with the towel wrapped around his neck.

That's when I fell in love with Taichi.

Taichi's words made me very happy, but I also fell in love with his nervous expression as he wiped my tears.

So that's it.

I admired and respected that aspect of Taichi.

His tolerance and positivity, which I lacked.

And his kindness.

When I realized this again, I realized something else.

I felt inferior to Taichi because he had things I didn't.

Thinking about it now, I think I kept having stupid affairs to make myself feel superior by gaining s🬀🬀ual experience and hiding that inferiority complex.

Eriko-san mentioned this.

Admiration and inferiority.

They may seem different, but they were probably the same for me.

I don't deserve to like Taichi, but is it okay to continue to admire him?

I want to be a person who is tolerant and kind to others, like Taichi.

Becoming a teacher.

I looked at the email about the information session again.

There are still parts I don't understand, and I don't know if I can choose the teacher training course with the credits I need just by reading the email.

I decided to go to the Student Affairs Office at noon that day to ask for more information.