Chapter 34 The Strength to Accept Feelings

The Strength to Accept Feelings

I could finally tell her.

I could finally tell her about Sasha and that Satsuki and I weren’t related by blood.

The truth is, I was supposed to tell her everything when she turned 16.

But I couldn’t tell her because she kept saying, “Now that I’m old enough to get married, please take me as your wife!”

I think of Satsuki as my daughter.

We’re not related by blood, but I would risk my life for her. That’s how much I love and care for her.

But it is affection, not love, for the opposite s🬀x.

That’s why I don’t want to get married.

But in a way, it was an excuse.

I’m not the right person for Satsuki to marry. I had hoped that she would marry someone better and be happy.

But that was just me being a coward.

I could only make excuses because I wasn’t strong enough to accept Satsuki’s feelings.

It’s the same now.

I still couldn’t say the most important thing.

Satsuki and I are strangers, even on the family register.

We could get married if we wanted to.

That was the one thing I couldn’t say——

“So… Mom was divorced, then Dad took me in and raised me….”

After I told her everything, Satsuki nodded her head in some kind of understanding.

“But in reality, we’re not related by blood. So that makes you a stepfather and me a stepdaughter.”

“Yes, that’s the truth… So the person who gave you this airmail is no longer Satsuki’s father. But he is still your blood relative. It’s up to Satsuki if you want to meet him or not.”

I gave her the letter I received from Max, Satsuki’s father.

I told her exactly what it said. I told her that Max, who was sick, wanted to see his only daughter, even if it was just once.

“Actually, I don’t care about wealth or anything like that; I don’t need it. I don’t really like money… and I don’t think I would be happy even if I had it. More than that, if I could be in the same room with the person I love, that would be enough to make me happy.”

She doesn’t seem very excited.

But Satsuki seemed to be on the fence.

“And if I go, I can ask someone named Sophia-san to take me there, right?”

“Yes. She’s Sasha’s cousin, so we can trust her. I’m sure she’ll get you out of the country safely.”

I’ve always had conversations with Sophia-san about all kinds of things.

One of them was the possibility that Satsuki might want to go to her mother’s homeland, so we actually had her passport and other things she would need for the trip ready.

I also had the money. If Satsuki wanted to go, she could go with Max.

But I knew in my heart that it would never happen.

Max is a stranger to Satsuki.

Her father is me. I’m not her blood relative, but I’m sure Satsuki feels the same way.

It may seem cruel to say this, but… It’s too late to act like a father now. That’s what I thought.

But this girl is really devoted.

She is always straightforward to make her dreams come true.

“So, I’ve decided. I’m going… to meet this guy named Max!”

Unlike me, Satsuki was a strong girl.

She had the courage to go forward.

“…Really? You don’t have to force yourself, okay?”

“I’m not forcing myself… To be honest, I don’t think anything of this guy named Max. There’s only one dad for me. He’s a stranger, so I have no feelings for him now.”

If so, why are you trying to go to him?

“But I think it would be good if I could ask him to be my father in the family register.”

“Eh? W-w-what does that mean?”

“I mean. In reality, Dad and I aren’t related by blood, right? But according to the law, even a stepfather can’t marry his stepdaughter, right? So for now, I will change the family register so that Dad and I are not father and daughter.”

Satsuki has a dream.

It’s a dream that hasn’t changed since she was a child.

“This is my chance to become Dad’s wife! I’ll do anything for it!”

Satsuki loves me so much that she always says she wants to become Prime Minister and change the law so she can marry me.

So Satsuki decided to try to meet Max.

“But, hmm… I wonder? Is it possible to marry someone who had a father-daughter relationship even once? It seems difficult, but… If there is a possibility, it’s worth a try.”

Satsuki smiled happily.

Maybe she is happy to find a way to marry me.

But that’s not it.

Satsuki… We’re not even related on the family register, you know.

I don’t know whether to tell her or not.

(If I tell her, I might not be able to escape anymore….)

Yes. Even in times like this, I still hesitated.

Until now, I’ve been using our father-daughter relationship as an excuse to push Satsuki’s feelings aside.

If I said that now, Satsuki would be unstoppable.

And I wouldn’t be able to say no either.

If I were to be approached by such a wonderful girl, I would have to fall in love with her one day.

It’s impossible for me to say no to Satsuki.

If I want to keep our current relationship.

If I want to remain a “normal father and daughter,” I should say nothing.

If I contact Sophia-san and give Max custody of Satsuki, the chances of my lie being discovered will be low.

For now, if there is a fact that there was an “official father-daughter relationship,” there is a reason to escape.

But I still don’t think it’s the right choice.

“Satsuki, what will you do if you find out that you can’t marry me after all this?”

“That’s obvious, isn’t it? I’ll become prime minister and change the law.”

Satsuki never wavers.

She always runs towards her dream.

(What would be a choice that would make Satsuki happy?)

I think about it. I remember what Okugawa-sensei told me.

(“A parent’s role is not just to push the child back.”)

It’s not enough to just support them.

Parents can do more than just push.

They can also hold their hands.

…It’s not that Satsuki wants to be Prime Minister or is trying to become one.

What this girl really wants to be is….

“So I hope that one day… I can really be Dad’s wife.”

To be my wife.

That is the happiest thing for Satsuki.

“Hahaha. I’m in trouble… Satsuki, I’m lost. I can’t beat you anymore.”

“Eh? W-what? Dad, what’s wrong? You’re laughing; did something funny happen?”

Ah, yes.

I think I’m laughing.

There’s only one thing to do. I’ve been hiding it for so long, but when it came time to open up, my heart was so light.

I guess somewhere deep inside, I knew. Someday, this will happen.

“Satsuki? Actually, you know… When Sasha was alive, she told me this….”

That was a long time ago.

When Sasha and I lived together, she told me that clearly.

“I want you to raise Satsuki when I die. But… Please don’t become Satsuki’s father on the family register. I’m sorry for being selfish. But I want you to promise me.”

I have always remembered her words. I will never forget, and I will keep that promise.

That’s why we are——

“Me and Satsuki are not father and daughter… even on the family register. I’m sorry for hiding it.”

——I think we are father and daughter in our hearts, though.

In reality, we’re not related by blood. And we’re not related on the family register either.

We are complete strangers.

“…Eh? Wait minutes?”

After the second exposure, I think she developed some tolerance.

Satsuki wasn’t completely stunned, just shocked. But her head must be a bit confused. She was busy squeezing her hand for a while.

“I really don’t know why, honestly… I wanted to be a father even on the registry, but Sasha would never let me.”

She was really stubborn.

Because we are not related by blood, Sasha did not let me when I asked for a connection, even if it was just through family registration.

The only reason I can think of is that she didn’t want to bother me or ease my burden.

Of course, those would be some of the reasons, but I don’t think that was the real intention.

I couldn’t help but think that Sasha had other intentions.

But I couldn’t find the answer, no matter how much I thought about it, so I gave up… but it seems that my daughter Satsuki knows.

“… Ah! I get it!!!”

Satsuki looked up in joy.

It was like she was talking to Sasha in heaven.

“Mom… So you left Dad in my care, didn’t you? Mom believed that if something happened to you, I would make Dad happy; that’s why you refused to put Dad’s name on the family register, right?”

… No, no, no, no!

That’s really overthinking it, isn’t it?

After all, we talked about the family register when Satsuki was only two years old, right?

Would Sasha expect Satsuki to fall in love with me as a man at such a young age?

I think it’s impossible….

But Satsuki seemed to understand.

“Mom absolutely thought ‘there was no man I wouldn’t fall in love with if Dad were with me’ That’s why Mom prevented Dad from getting registered so I could marry him, right?”

It seems that the two girls had something in common.

“Thank you, Mom. I’ll make Dad happy. Thank you so much!”

She was so grateful that she put her hands together and bowed.

Her face looked so happy.

“Aren’t you mad at me for not telling you?”

“Huh? What does Dad mean by ‘angry’? I’m so happy now; why should I be angry? I’m going to marry Dad!”

“I-I never said I would get married, though!?”

“Eh? But if you hid it from me, that means you knew my feelings too, right~? If you told me the truth, you wouldn’t be able to refuse me, so you hid it from me, right?”

“Ah?!?!”

She was right.

She really is my daughter. She knows what I’m thinking.

“Dad, thank you for telling me.”

My hand is held tightly.

Satsuki is holding my right hand with both hands, and it looks like she’s enjoying it.

“As I thought, Dad is a wonderful person… You tried to accept my feelings, didn’t you? Actually, you wouldn’t have had to accept my feelings if you had kept quiet about the family register….”

It seems that Satsuki can see through me.

I guess she knows all about my conflicts and my determination, which is why she is so happy.

“Thanks for taking me seriously, Dad. I like you more and more… ehehehehe~”

Her face is sweet, like an angel.

But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to accept everything.

“Satsuki… I love you like a daughter. But this love is ‘filial love’ not ‘love between man and woman’. So to tell you the truth… I don’t think about marriage at all.”

Satsuki is my daughter to me.

I still don’t think I want to get married.

I want to make that clear.

I was able to accept Satsuki’s feelings….

But whether I marry her or not is another story.

“Sorry… Can you give me some time to sort out my feelings?”

That was the best answer I could give at this time.

It would’ve been nice if I could have said it a little more clearly… but Satsuki laughed and said it was okay.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. … I’m just so happy that Dad accepted my feelings. I’m so happy that my head feels like it’s going to explode… I want some time too. I’ll calm down, think about it, and then I’ll like you more.”

I think we’re both having a hard time processing all the things we said to each other at once.

Maybe we just need some time.

Maybe that’s why Satsuki suddenly said that.

“Dad… I’m still going to see Max. After hearing what you just said, I want to go even more.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. I want to tell him… ‘I only have one dad!’ And I also want to say, ‘Thank you for giving birth to me’.”

Is this Satsuki’s way of “revenge”?

“Because I was born this way, I was able to meet my father… So no matter what kind of person he is, I want to properly express my gratitude. Then I can live comfortably with you, Dad.”

…When she said that to me, I couldn’t shake my head.

“Yes, I understand. I’ll call Sophia-san.”

I nodded and grabbed Satsuki’s head.

This time, she was not rejected, so I patted her head.

“Maybe I’ll miss you for a few days, but go… No regrets; go talk to him properly. I’ll think about it too.”

“Yeah. I’ll miss you too. Wait for me, okay? I’ll say what I want to say, organize my feelings, organize my thoughts, and then I’ll love you a lot, Dad!”

And finally, we could relax.

I was a little tired from telling her everything I wanted to tell her and everything she wanted to know all at once.

But it felt so refreshing.

It felt good to finally tell the truth.

I don’t know what will happen from now on, but I’m sure I won’t regret it like I did before.

I’ve always been a weak person.

But I was able to accept Satsuki’s feelings… I think I’m getting stronger now.

Maybe when I meet Sasha in heaven, I will be proud of myself.

Sasha… Your thoughts and feelings have been passed on to me.

I will protect your treasure.

I will cherish her… even if it takes my life!

So please… be at ease and watch over me.

I will definitely make Satsuki happy——