Chapter 8 Mari (4)

Mari (4)

It’s been a month since I submitted my resignation.

The transition in the company was over, and I quietly resigned.

The reason for my resignation was not made public, but rumors spread from everywhere, and the looks directed at me were cold.

He was the only one who didn’t change.

I tried to threaten him that he might have to pay alimony, but he was not intimidated at all.

On the contrary, he began to press me for a relationship even more explicitly than before.

“I love you, Mari-san. Am I not good enough for you?”

The answer to this question was given.

It’s no good, so you have to give up.

I told him clearly that what I love more than anything is Shuu.

But he still didn’t budge.

“I will make Mari-san happier than your husband!”

That was unfounded confidence.

What did he mean when he said he would make me happy?

I don’t think we should be happy if we both make Shuu unhappy.

“I love Mari-san more than anyone else in the world. Please believe in me and choose me.”

His enthusiasm is definitely sincere.

That is why I was once moved by his passion and became attached to him.

But when it cooled down, there was nothing left.

All that remained were memorable days of lustful bliss.

The only connection I have with him is physical.

It was nothing like Shuu’s.

I have no memories of laughing with him, no memories of crying with him, and no memories of empathizing with him.

There was no need to compare how many feelings we had accumulated.

I really am an idiot.

If I could treat him coldly and keep him away from me now, why couldn’t I have done it from the beginning?

If I had, I would be happy now.

I am full of such selfish thoughts.

Makoto… Even though I know he’s not the only one to blame, the wave of remorse that washes over me makes me feel disgusted.

The innocent smile that once cared for me now seems insensitive and irresponsible.

The voice that whispered love to me is now just a noise that reminds me of my nightmare.

I no longer have the slightest affection for him.

There is only a mirror that reflects my sins and reminds me of my shallowness.

Not wanting to see his face anymore, I say goodbye once more.

“I never want to see you again. I love only Shuu, and I will love only Shuu. I have no more love to give you.”

From his point of view, this may be a selfish statement.

But that’s the fact.

The scales will never tip in his favor, no matter what he does.

“But I still love Mari-san.”

He looks at me with a face like he is about to cry.

If I had been a fool like before, I would have been bound by it.

But now that I have woken up, his appeal no longer changes the answer.

I won’t make any more mistakes.

“I will sue you for stalking if you continue to follow me.”

“…eh, why?”

“I was wrong about everything.”

Yes, if my feelings for him were real, it wouldn’t have been hard for me to leave Shuu.

But the reality was different.

I finally realized the truth after almost losing him.

I cared more about Shuu than him.

I loved Shuu more than anyone else; he was important to me, but I despised him.

This is the result of that self-inflicted tragedy.

I made a mistake in everything, and now I’m about to lose the one person who is more important than anything else.

I’m trapped and don’t have time to take care of him.

In the end, the love I gave him was just an excuse because I was fulfilled.

If there is no one to fill me, I will wither and die, and I will have no time to share with others.

Especially, I don’t think he could fill me instead of Shuu.

“Goodbye. Don’t show your face to me anymore.”

I coldly rejected him again with the intention of parting and left him without looking back.

Then I went home and prepared to move out.

To escape the unholy memories.

To take the first step toward a new future.

I will continue to apologize until I’m forgiven.

I will continue to show repentance and remorse.

Because Shuu’s side is where I belong.

Because I believe that the bond between me and Shuu has not yet been broken.