Chapter 11 Shuu (6)

Shuu (6)

I’ve thought about it.

What does Mari mean to me?

What are these unsettled feelings?

In conclusion, I think Aki-chan was right.

I still love Mari, even after everything that happened.

And because I love her, the hatred and anger I feel for her never stops.

It is often said that the opposite of love is indifference.

If I didn’t love Mari, I wouldn’t have hated her so much.

In order to move on, I have to let go of these feelings.

That’s why I made the plan—to validate my feelings.

And to do that, I first took the form of rebuilding with Mari on the surface.

I thought I was prepared for it, but it was harder than I imagined.

Just everyday life. Just looking at her face was painful.

I couldn’t accept Mari’s home-cooked food and threw up.

I had an aversion to being touched.

I didn’t know what to say to Mari, whom I no longer understood, although I wanted to talk to her.

In the midst of all this, Mari tried desperately to be there for me.

But even that attitude felt like it was too late for me.

Everything was already too late.

I feel like throwing up when I see Mari; the image of that time flashes back, even though she looks just like Aki-chan.

The words “I love you” overlap with those images and turn into a flimsy, cheap sound.

The time I spent with Mari was nothing but stress for me.

For me, she is like a plague god, a hateful and irritating person…

On the surface, I could get along with Mari without letting her know how I felt inside.

Mari needs to feel that the relationship is healing well.

I was sure that everyone around me felt that everything was okay.

And when she starts to think that way,

“Mari, I’m going on a business trip for a week.”

I only tell her the essentials.

“Okay, I understand. I hope your work is going well.”

Mari smiles a little awkwardly.

We still can’t touch each other, but we can communicate a little more, like before.

“Ah, thank you. I’ll be away from home, but please take care of it.”

“Ah, yes, of course, leave it to me.”

Mari replied, still with a hesitant voice.

I have noticed that Mari has been acting strangely lately.

She seems to be doing something in secret.

“I wonder if you’ll come back late on the last day.”

Unlike before, she is worried about what time I will be home.

“Yes. I think I’ll be home around 7 p.m.”

“I see, Yokatta.”

Mari looks a little relieved.

“What is it?”

“No, it’s nothing. It’s nothing.”

She waved her hands nervously as if hiding something.

Of course, I pretended not to know anything about “it” and went on a business trip for a week.

And a week later,

I return home on our wedding anniversary, which happens to be one day later than a year ago.

I didn’t want to surprise her on the way home, but I sent her a message saying I was on my way.

When I entered the room and went to the living room, I saw that there was a huge hors d’oeuvre on the table.

At the same time, Mari’s voice said, “Welcome home.”

I replied, “I’m home,” and acted surprised at the food in front of me.

“How surprised, aren’t you? Today is our wedding anniversary, so I got a little excited.”

She seemed to remember the date correctly.

Since I still don’t accept Mari’s home-cooked food, she apparently ordered some custom-made hors d’oeuvres, pizza, and the like.

“You haven’t eaten yet, have you? I’ll take care of the cleanup, so let’s go change and eat.”

Mari urged me to get dressed in my suit and started preparing the meal.

I do as she says, get dressed, and sit down.

Mari opens a bottle of wine she has prepared and pours it into my glass.

We toast and start eating, and Mari tells me about the week’s events.

I listen to her with a tentative smile, something I’ve gotten used to lately.

As we finish our meal,

Mari reproduces the drum roll with her voice and says “ta-da” as she hands me a gift.

“Can I open it?”

I ask, and Mari nods happily.

I unwrap it and open the box to find a high-end-looking watch.

“…Thank you, Mari. Actually, I have a present for you too.”

I smile and hand her the flash drive.

“What is this?”

“Hm. I guess it’s a video letter.”

“Eh, what? Such an elaborate gift for me?”

She happily accepts the flash drive, takes out her own computer, and inserts the flash drive into the slot.

“Well, there are seven of them. Which one should I start with?”

“Oh, it’s okay if you just look at them in order from the first one.”

Mari plays the videos as I tell her to.

Then her smile broke, and she looked at me with a face as if she were going to cry.

“Hey, what’s this?”

“Ah, it’s a message from me… ‘over a year ago’.”

I answered her with a smile.