Chapter 10 Mari (5)

Mari (5)

I quit my job.

I found a new house.

I started a new job.

There happened to be an opening for a clerk nearby, so I applied and was hired.

Somehow, my luck is turning in my favor.

From now on, I thought I'd start fresh and feel like a new person.

But then I found myself sighing.

The gap in my heart that I can’t control, the part that will never be filled.

Once again, I realize how unusual everyday life without Shuu is for me.

Then an unexpected piece of good news comes to me.

Shuu has agreed to work with me to rebuild our relationship.

The reason why Shuu, who was so stubborn, suddenly changed his mind.

I found out the reason at the last discussion.

Apparently, it was because of my sister Aki’s words.

I was so happy that I called Aki several times, but she did not answer the phone. I had no choice but to send her a message expressing my heartfelt thanks.

I thanked Aki again and again in my mind and continued my discussion with Shuu.

However, my luck, which should’ve been a good start, began to look bleak.

Just when things started to look up for us, I realized that I was pregnant.

I was sure it was not Shuu’s child, considering the timing.

I was sure that I had taken all the right contraceptives.

Worst of all, I had somehow failed.

That left me with only one choice.

I quietly aborted the baby so that Shuu would not know.

I didn’t want it to get in the way of starting over.

I was the worst kind of woman, I thought to myself.

But if I had to choose between the baby and Shuu, the answer would be Shuu.

But thanks to my efforts, I was able to come to an agreement, and Shuu was able to come back to me.

The fact that I had rented a bigger room so that Shuu could come back any time was also a success.

However, since this is a trial period to see if we can really start over, Shuu’s current apartment has not been canceled yet.

But I won’t miss this opportunity.

I will do everything to make Shuu fall in love with me again.

I would do anything, even extreme things, to make Shuu like me again if that’s what he wants.

However, I found out that such an idea was naive when I started living with Shuu again.

First of all, Shuu could no longer eat my cooking.

He would spit out the food I cooked, even if it was pure white rice.

Shuu apologized, but it was my fault.

In Shuu’s mind, I was still an impure being.

So I cannot even touch him.

Of course, we could not have conjugal relations.

My existence only tortures Shuu.

This reality also tortures me.

I want to be by his side because I love him, but my presence hurts him.

So I have no choice but to keep my distance from Shuu’s side for now.

I have given myself to Shuu with all my heart and soul.

Gradually, I closed the distance between us.

Our conversations, which had been awkwardly silent, became a little more casual and relaxed.

We got to the point where we had weekend dates, and we even went on tours of memorable places to remind ourselves of our old bond.

The first place we went was to a park near my parents’ house.

This was the place where Shuu first confessed his feelings for me.

I remember how nervous and stiff Shuu was.

I also remember how he smiled happily when he got an “okay” from me.

Next, we went to the aquarium, where we had our first date.

Compared to that time, the aquarium had been renovated and was more beautiful, but the sea turtles that had been there for a long time seemed to be in good health.

And the time we went home was, strangely enough, in the same brilliant evening sunlight as that time.

At that time, I felt sorry to say goodbye, so I went home holding his hand with a feeling of regret.

What we had then were truly pure and unadulterated feelings.

Such a faint memory reminds me of my dirty self.

Why did I forget how much I loved Shuu?

The nostalgic memories trigger my self-loathing, and I fall into a pitiful self-loathing.

Shuu called me, perhaps out of concern for my feelings.

“It’s been so long. I have nothing but good memories here.”

Shuu smiles as if remembering something.

It had been a long time since I had seen Shuu’s smiling face.

That alone calmed me down.

I realized that the relationship between Shuu and me had been weaving and spinning for a long time.

I am convinced that no one can break the past, which is full of precious feelings.

It may take some time, but we will be fine.

This day was one in which I gained such confidence.