Chapter 5 I Can't Just Marry the Daughter of My First Love

I Can’t Just Marry the Daughter of My First Love

I had a dream.

It was a nostalgic, tearful, but happy dream.

“You really are a crybaby, aren’t you?”

It was about 20 years ago.

I think it was when I was in elementary school.

There was a very beautiful girl in my neighborhood.

She was a very mature girl, even though we were the same age, and she always treated me like a child.

“No, I’m not a crybaby. I’m a boy; I’m strong.”

If I remember correctly, when I was a child, I was often bullied by the Kid General at school. I’ve always been chubby. I was teased a lot because of that.

Sasha was always there to comfort me.

She was born in a foreign country to foreign parents, and I remember that she was very beautiful, with silver hair and blue eyes.

Now that I think about it, I must’ve been an enemy in their eyes because I was such a good friend to her.

“Is that so? If you’re a boy, you must be stronger…at least than me.”

Her parents were busy with work, so she always came to my house for lunch and dinner.

So we had many opportunities to talk to each other, and we talked about many things.

“I’m gonna get stronger. I’m gonna get stronger so I don’t lose to these guys.”

“I see. Good luck… Itsuki-kun! If you get stronger and stop becoming a crybaby, I’ll give you a reward. Look forward to it?”

She smiles and encourages me.

She always took care of me.

I was happy.

I was grateful to her for having high expectations of me.

That’s why I tried to be as strong as I promised….

Sasha was my first love.

I fell in love with her. I wanted to confess my feelings to her one day and tell her how I felt.

But before I could tell her how I felt… she disappeared.

I think it was right after I entered junior high school. It was around the time we started to become aware of each other’s gender, and it was a time when things started to feel a little awkward.

Suddenly, she disappeared.

She left the country without even saying goodbye.

Her parents, who were busy with work, had been transferred, and Sasha had gone with them.

I saw her again 10 years later. When I was 22, she suddenly came back to my hometown.

At that time, she held… Satsuki.

And that’s when my first love ended.

Sasha got married outside the country.

In the end, I never got to tell her how I felt.

Until that time, when she died a year later,

“…Dad? Dad! Are you okay? Wake up!”

When I suddenly opened my eyes, Satsuki was sitting on top of me with a worried look on her face.

This is how I have been woken up by her since she was a child. It’s gotten a little heavier every year, so I can feel my daughter growing, but lately, it’s gotten harder and harder, so I wish she would stop.

“Nn? Good morning, Satsuki.”

“You finally woke up! Dad, you were moaning and groaning. Did you have a scary dream? I’ll pat you, okay?”

Whenever Satsuki has a scary dream, I always pat her head.

Maybe that’s why Satsuki patted my head too.

I’m glad for the kind thoughtfulness, but it’s not like I had a scary dream, so it’s okay.

“Thanks…I was dreaming about an old time.”

“Really? An old time?”

“Ah. Your daddy was my dream when he was a child…it was so nostalgic.”

I dreamt of your mother.

How nice to be able to say that!

Satsuki doesn’t like to talk about her mother very much.

So I wanted to tell Satsuki a lot about Sasha, but I couldn’t.

I was supposed to have a heart-to-heart talk with her on her 16th birthday…it’s a shame, but I’ll have to wait for that time.

“Dad when a child? I want to see it. Dad, show me your picture.”

“Pictures…I lost the album, so I can’t show it to you now. Sorry.”

That’s a lie. It’s actually in the back of the closet. I still treasure it.

But I haven’t been able to show it to Satsuki because Sasha is also in the album with me.

“e~ I wanted to see it~”

“Sorry, sorry. I’ll show you when I find it.”

Satsuki’s lips pouted, and she sulked.

Seeing these gestures, I realize that even though this girl is Sasha’s daughter, she is different from her.

Sasha and Satsuki are very much alike.

The older she gets, the more she looks alike.

But they’re not the same person.

…Well, I should say that I try very hard not to overlap the two of them.

It’s not that I love Satsuki because she’s the child of my first love.

I love her because she is just cute, and I purely want to protect her.

Otherwise, it would be disrespectful to both Satsuki and Sasha.

It’s not like I’m projecting Sasha onto my daughter, Satsuki, just because my first love didn’t come true.

I have no ulterior motive. To remind myself of that, I try not to see Sasha and Satsuki as the same person.

I don’t want the people around me to think that either, so I’m careful not to get too close to Satsuki.

So I am sorry, Satsuki.

I can never marry you.

I hope I can tell you that someday——