Chapter 6 Mari (3)

Mari (3)

After seeing him for the first time in a long time, Shuu looked a little worn out.

I wondered if he was all right, but I was more than happy to see him, and at the same time, I couldn’t help but think of my own disgusting behavior.

As soon as I saw Shuu, I bowed deeply.

I sincerely apologize for my shallowness.

And I told him how I really feel now.

I made sure there would be no more mistakes.

But what I got back were questioning words.

And Shuu, who was more angry than I had ever seen him before. I was so scared.

I quickly made an excuse.

But my excuse only hurts me.

I was reminded of how shallow I was.

In the end, I had nothing to say in response to Shuu’s words.

I had decided not to cry because it would be unfair to Shuu, but the tears began to flow by themselves.

I just couldn’t make up for what I was facing.

For the first time, I couldn’t stand Shuu’s cold eyes.

I could only cry during the whole conversation.

Having lost the chance to be with him again, I went back to my empty room alone.

In the pitch-black room, I remembered Shuu and felt like crying.

But I can’t cry; I was the one who changed the gentle Shuu to that point.

Shuu was supposed to be kinder to me than anyone else, and now I have to face the consequences of betraying the trust and love I had accumulated.

I saw for the first time Shuu, who was not kind to me.

At the same time, I realized something.

I knew that Shuu was my only true love; no matter what he said, I still loved him without a doubt.

But that was also my own naivety.

I mistakenly thought that because I loved Shuu, he must still love me.

That’s why I thought that kind Shuu would forgive me if I apologized sincerely.

Of course, the reality was not so sweet.

Such naiveté could not be tolerated.

For the first time in my life, Shuu showed me his negative feelings.

He had never looked at me like that, not even when we were fighting.

It scared me more than anything.

And that hurt me more than anything.

I couldn’t forgive myself for making him look at me like that.

So I decided to change.

I realized that if I wanted to start over, the person I was now was not good enough.

The first thing I had to do was clean up my act.

I had to completely break off my relationship with Makoto.

To do that, I had to resign from the company.

I cannot sugarcoat the reason for my resignation, either.

I will tell them clearly the reason for my resignation so that I will be aware of my own guilt.

I had an affair within the company.

And that the other party was a junior colleague.

Of course, he will be removed from the career path in the future. But he is still young, and if the worst comes to the worst, he can probably start over at another company.

I would also have to move out of this apartment.

For Shuu, this place will be nothing but a nightmare. Even if we manage to rebuild it, maybe he wouldn’t want to return to this place.

If it were true, I would have talked with Shuu and decided, but under the current circumstances, I had no choice.

For the time being, let’s rent another apartment as a temporary residence and evacuate the things filled with memories of our time together there.

I must do my best to bring Shuu back.

Nothing will change if I just whine.

I have to change.

By proving to myself that I will only love Shuu from now on.

I held back my tears and started to prepare my letter of resignation.

Of course, I would not be looked upon favorably because of the reason for my resignation.

People at work would definitely be very critical of me.

But it’s a punishment I deserve.

It is my fault for betraying someone who really loves me.

I have to tell Makoto as well. I have to tell him that I love Shuu more than anyone.

That my relationship with him was a mistake.

In retrospect, this is absolutely true, but I was so caught up in the love of the moment that I didn’t realize it.

I had forgotten that I had feelings to cherish more than temporary ones.

I can’t get them back now, but I can start over.

I believe that the bond between Shuu and me cannot be broken easily, and I will do what I can for now.

I believe in a future where Shuu and I can be together again.