Chapter 4 Mari (2)

Mari (2)

It’s been four days since I lost contact with Shuu.

I called and messaged Shuu again today, but he didn’t answer at all.

Of course, I haven’t signed the divorce papers yet.

I have no reason to get divorced.

Maybe the problem is on Shuu’s side.

For example, maybe he made a big mistake at work and can no longer keep his job.

If that’s the case, I would smile and encourage him, saying that I will support him as much as I can until he finds a new job.

If that’s the case, I would hope that he gets back on his feet soon and calls me so that I can give him all the encouragement I can.

So I go to work today with such faint hopes.

And I come home to a house without Shuu.

The house is silent.

I feel a sense of emptiness as if something has fallen away.

A feeling of uneasiness, as if something that should be there is not there anymore.

(Why?)

That’s all I could think about in my head, but I couldn’t find an answer.

Such empty days continued.

I suppressed my frustration and irritation, which grew stronger day by day.

I managed to go to work as usual.

I greeted Makoto as usual and concentrated on my work.

During my lunch break, Makoto invited me to have lunch with him.

When I complained that I was in a difficult situation because my husband wasn’t home, Makoto said this with a carefree smile.

“Then can I stay over again?” Ignoring my heartache.

It was so pure and innocent, without any malice.

But, it was as if I had been doused with cold water.

Makoto’s smile suddenly became frightening.

I realize now that he was subconsciously but steadily penetrating me.

I began to realize how crazy I had become.

I realize how twisted it was for me to invite him home.

I finally understood how unusual my own behavior was when I realized how unusual it was that Shuu had not come home until now.

Once I realize this, everything is connected.

Nausea welled up in me at the filthiness of what I had done.

Unable to resist, I got up from my seat, ran to the bathroom, and threw up all the food I had just eaten.

As I vomited, my mind was filled with a feeling of frustration.

After that, I couldn’t get any work done.

I gave up and told my manager that I couldn’t work today and asked to leave early because I wasn’t feeling well.

I hurried home to get rid of my anxiety.

Oh no. I can’t see his worried face anymore.

As soon as I get home, I check our room thoroughly.

As a result of my search, I found no evidence of what I had feared.

What I found instead was a box of wrapped presents that had been thrown in the trash.

I opened the box to find a beautiful necklace and a greeting card.

The card said, [Thank you for marrying me. I will love you forever and ever.] Such a simple message.

It wasn’t a very passionate message, but it was very Shuu-like, and it warmed my heart.

I don’t know why I forgot it.

How could I forget that pleasant warmth?

As a result of being carried away by the heat and misjudging the person I should cherish most, this gift was thrown in the trash.

Fear turned to conviction, and with it, an understanding of the meaning of the divorce papers that had arrived.

The person who had always been by my side—the person who should’ve been more important to me than anything else. I finally understood, with a sinking feeling, that he might be gone.

Clutching the necklace that was to be given to me, I began to cry loudly, although I had no right to shed tears.

Even though I am not close to death, memories of the time we spent together run through my mind.

Finally, I foolishly realized the weight of my sin.

I spent the whole night crying and apologizing to Shuu, who was not here.

Although I knew in my mind that it was too late to do such a thing, I could not help but apologize.

No matter how many times I apologized in the dark, the fear that Shuu might not come back never left me.

In the end, I took a day off from work and locked myself in our room, unable to sleep well.

No matter how much I cried and screamed, Shuu would never come back.

It was obvious.

So the first thing I had to do was meet him, apologize, and make amends.

I told myself that, and with what little energy I had left, I set myself a goal.

I would not be able to convey my true intentions without first meeting him in person.

I searched the room again for any clues as to his whereabouts, looking for any trace of him.

Then I noticed his computer.

It was not turned off but in sleep mode.

I knew his password.

We had agreed not to hide anything from each other.

I also knew the password to his cell phone.

But I had changed the password on my phone without telling him.

That’s why I feel guilty again.

I really am a hopeless b🬀🬀ch. I laughed at myself and woke it up from sleep mode to see if I could find any clues.

There are seven video files in the folder he left open.

Anxiously, I clicked on the videos.

Then I saw the final proof.

The picture shows an ugly woman who betrayed the person she loved.

A woman who looked like me, a low and dirty woman, whispered her love to a man to whom she should not give her love and screamed charmingly.

I could not bear the sight of my own ugliness and vomited on the spot in despair.