Chapter 147 Amada Miyuki

Amada Miyuki

Miyuki’s PoV

I’m trembling in my room. I can’t stop crying.

I don’t turn on the light, I don’t eat and all I can do is lock myself in my room.

Think back to what happened last night…

Mitsui-sensei had taken me to the hospital where my mother was.

Why would she take me, who was under house arrest? The school seems to be very thorough in this bullying problem. And they also want to check the condition of my family.

Until I reached the hospital, every moment felt like a trip to the gallows.

Sensei explained the situation matter-of-factly. With each explanation, my mother sighed deeply and trembled.

Why should she suffer so much for what I had done?

No. It’s not just her. I also made Eiji’s mother, who took care of me, sad…

“Yes, I know. You may have your reasons. But I have no obligation or duty to listen. I don’t want to dislike you any more than I already do, so can you please stop making up weird excuses?”

Eiji’s mother’s words kept repeating in my head, even when I had secret meetings with Kondo-senpai.

I thought those words were like a curse. But no. It wasn’t. I had done such a terrible thing that I made my other mother, who had always been kind to me, say those words.

She loved me like her own daughter. Because of her, I should’ve had two mothers. And yet, my shallow act had made those two irreplaceable mothers suffer.

Every word that Sensei said, even though the facts were painful to her. I knew this when I saw my mother begin to cry, her face contorted on the hospital bed. I had been selfish and downright evil.

I had overlooked the fact that my usually gentle mother and Eiji’s mother were hurting more than I was.

I was the one who had forced them to reject me so badly.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know how to make it up to them. To my mother, to Eiji, and to his mother.

Eiji was the first person to remind me to smile after my father disappeared…

“Eiji is just my childhood friend, but he’s a…persistent, stalker-like, lousy, violent boyfriend.”

“I don’t want you to tarnish our memories anymore. I think it would be better if we didn’t have a relationship anymore. I think it would be better for both of us. I don’t want to hate Miyuki any more than I already do.”

At the same time, I remember my own worst words and the words of Eiji, who as a supposed victim shouldn’t be able to say nice words to me.

Why are you so kind to me? You could’ve insulted me, even beaten me, and I wouldn’t have complained. Why do you care so much about our memories?

I was the worst girlfriend and childhood friend.

You said you didn’t want to tarnish our memories. No, you can’t. I did bad things to you, you are free to insult me, whatever it is. So please don’t say such things…

Ichijo-san has become a person who understands him, even though she only met him recently, and I, who had been together for ten years, didn’t understand anything about him at all. I’m the worst.

I’m sorry. All this time I was just looking for an outlet for my father’s absence.

You’re kind, so you were the victim of my attention.

I’m sorry that I didn’t say goodbye properly. I’m sorry for betraying you. I’m sorry for being ungrateful. I miss you. Even if it’s just one word. I want to apologize. I want to make amends.

I want you to take your anger out on me. I know it’s too late. My apology will not solve anything. In fact, it will hurt you more. But,

I want to make amends. Please…

I decided to face my mother as a first step.