Miyuki and Her Mother
Miyuki’s PoV
I can’t hide it anymore. I go to my mother’s hospital room with all my heart. To explain everything.
Senpai’s father forced her to get a private room. He also left some money, but Mother returned it immediately. She had no intention of taking hush money.
When I opened the door, Mother was watching the morning news. The news about Councilor Kondo was just coming on. She watched in a daze.
She immediately recognized him as Kondo-senpai’s father, who had visited the hospital room the other day.
“What does that mean?”
My mother had already figured it out. The news reports said that Kondo-senpai’s son was involved in a violent incident with a student at the same school and that he was the perpetrator of the bullying.
We’re tied in knots. We were both responsible for the violent incident against Eiji and for starting his bullying problem.
My mother’s voice had become the coldest and darkest I had ever heard.
“Sorry. Eiji saw me cheating on him, and Kondo-senpai violently attacked him. Not only did I pretend not to see it, but to save my own skin, I blamed Eiji and encouraged the bullying. It was all my fault. I pushed Eiji to the brink of s🬀🬀cide.”
When my mother heard my confession, her face was blank, her eyes were sad, and she was shaking. Just looking at her, my heart is crushed with guilt and remorse.
My mother, my favorite mother who is always kind to me, stood up with her dizzy body and slapped me hard on the cheek without saying a word while standing in front of me. She slapped me again, and again. For a moment, I didn’t know what had happened, but I knew it was natural.
It was all my fault.
“Why did you do something so irreparable!? Not only did you betray Eiji-kun, but you also left a scar that will never go away… and even if you apologized, it wouldn’t be enough. Why did you repay such a kind childhood friend in such a cruel way!?”
Her trembling voice shakes my own heart.
I shouldn’t cry. Because I am the guilty one. I have no right to cry.
Many precious memories of Eiji come back to me. Memories of the amusement park where I used to play. Memories of happily eating lunch together. Memories of him comforting me when I was crying. All of them, all of them, I have stained.
“I’m sorry, mom. I did the worst thing. I was also told that the school would punish me. I did something I cannot atone for. I will spend the rest of my life apologizing and making amends to Eiji.”
My mother who has lived with me for so long shows the color of despair on her face and trembles as she cries.
“Don’t say it so easily! It’s not that easy. …”
While in pain, she tries to fulfill her responsibility as a parent. I’m the worst. She said,
“I feel sorry for Eiji-kun and Aono-san. I don’t know how to make it up to them. You will have to live with that fact for the rest of your life. Why didn’t you understand what that meant?”
“…”
I can’t even find the words. Mother is about to stagger out of the hospital room.
“Mom, wait! The doctor said you need to rest.”
She tries to shake me and move on.
“I owe them an apology. If I don’t go, who will? At least I have to apologize properly. I have to make amends, even if it’s just a little. …”
I couldn’t forgive myself for making my sick mother feel so much responsibility.
I couldn’t forgive myself for deceived and betrayed Eiji, who is kind to me.
I couldn’t forgive myself for insulted Eiji while he was being beaten.
I couldn’t forgive myself for spread bad rumors and drove Eiji to the brink of s🬀🬀cide to save my own skin.
WHY AM I STILL ALIVE?
I cannot forgive myself for the worst human behavior. Self-loathing enveloped everything.
Outside the hospital room, nurses gathered to try to stop my mother.