Chapter 3 Childhood Friend's Darkness

Childhood Friend’s Darkness

Miyuki’s PoV

I couldn’t sleep all night, again. Because my precious childhood friend had seen me cheating on him. How could I let this happen? I thought he was the one I cared about the most.

It has been a few days since I broke up with him. At dawn, I finally lose consciousness and wake up soon after. Such a state has continued since that day.

Maybe it’s just a dream. I should have woken up from this bad dream and returned to my normal life. That’s what I thought.

However, I was faced with the cruel reality of the rumors Kondo-senpai had spread, now spreading throughout the school like burning gasoline, and there was nothing I could do.

No, I don’t want to break up with him. If not because of Kondo-senpai, I would’ve bowed down and cried at his feet. Begging for forgiveness.

When I saw the scrawls on Eiji’s desk, I almost cried. No, I mustn’t cry.

How this happened. At first, it was just a joke.

I was joke when I told my friend, “My relationship with Eiji isn’t going well, but I’m happy we can be together.” She seemed to think that I was at fault. So, one day, out of the blue, I was called and introduced to Kondo-senpai, who had a lot of love experience.

At first, I tried to refuse by saying, “I’m not really in that troubled, so it’s okay,” but then she said, “Well since Senpai said he’d listen to your problems, let’s just talk about it. Kondo-senpai is the ace of the soccer team, he’s an amazing person who almost got an unofficial offer of an athletic recommendation for college. Usually, he’s a busy person who’s hard to talk to.” So I asked if we could just talk and have tea.

He was very kind and a gentleman. He’s mature and open-minded, different from us, naive when it comes to first love, and I found him so attractive.

“Well, there’s no way a guy can’t feel how charming and cute a girl like Miyuki-chan is.”

“If it was me, I’d get into it right away. Oh, just kidding. Just kidding.”

“How about another drink? I’ll get you one.”

“You are a very attractive woman. I think maybe your childhood friend’s just a little shy?”

If you’re treated like a princess and very considerate, you’ll be less cautious.

We exchanged IDs, discussed our problems many times, and took me shopping to pick out clothes for our date. He’s a gentleman and gives me lots of compliments to boost my self-esteem.

Shopping for date advice slowly just became an excuse. It was no longer for Eiji, but instead for him. It became a date with him.

After our third date. Along the bank, where I could see the sunset, he suddenly took my lips. At that time, I was on the verge of losing my body and soul to him, so I accepted without much resistance. And then lust follows it.

It didn’t take long for Kondo-senpai took everything I was supposed to give to Eiji.

Of course, the guilt towards Eiji was on my mind.

But…

“It’s wrong for him not to get his hands on you an attractive girl like Miyuki.”

“It’s not Miyuki who’s at fault. It’s your boyfriend who’s disqualified as a man.”

By saying that he gave me an escape route many times. Little by little I made my guilt towards Eiji became spice to increase the pleasure of seeing him. I was so stupid, I hated myself. Senpai made me dependent on the escape route he gave to trap me inside. Ah, how stupid I was.

Even though I was aware of it, I couldn’t help ‘cause I was so drugged on it.

[Hey, it’s August 28th, club activities are off, so why don’t we hang out?]

[But it was his birthday and …]

[Okay then. I’ll ask another girl out!]

[eh…]

[You know Miyuki. Honestly, I can see there’s just little of me in Miyuki’s life. You always put Eiji first. I’m a little tired of it. Hah, I shouldn’t be the one to say this, but… Let’s just end this kind of relationship. It’s better for us.]

I’m re-reading the messages on my phone. A message that told me to choose to go where I was meant to go.

Finally, I canceled Eiji’s birthday date… And chose Senpai instead of him.

Eiji is kind, so don’t worry. If I apologize, I’m sure he’ll forgive me. On the other hand, I might never see Senpai again. I was so obsessed with this fear that I chose the worst option. I was completely spoiled by Eiji.

Childhood friend; the man of my dreams who has been with me for over a decade. Maybe one day I would marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. I was so sure of it. I was happy, but my ‘womanly self’ whispered to me,

“If my Senpai is gone, the only man I’ll be with from now on is Eiji, I’m okay with that?”

Lust and pride. Made Eiji suffer. And my own shallow self-preservation has driven him further into the depths of despair.

—A regret that would never go away took over my mind.